The Power of Confidence

As a child, I was...a wallflower.  I often walked with my shoulderns slouched forward, eyes to the ground as I wandered through the maze of childhood and young adolescence.  For one year of middle school, I was the target of two bullies who would use me to alleviate their boredom.  Usually the bullying was verbal, sometimes physical.  One of them, (we'll call him Scott) was always trying to push me into a fight.  He wanted it so bad he could taste it.  I finally did hit my breaking point one day in our gym locker room..but that's another story altogether.  For now, I'd like to comment on the importance of showing confidence (even if you don't have it) as a means to avoid bullying, and how the martial arts helps to instill this in children.

Posture.  As a child, my father would constantly nag me about this.  "Stand up straight!  Look me in the eyes when we talk!".  Many of us heard the same thing as children and think back on it now as nagging.  Little did I know that these virtues that my father was pushing me to display are actually ones that can deter bullies.  Walking upright, with shoulders and chin up are a nonverbal communication that says "I am confident and comfortable with myself".  Bullies look for easy, weak, targets.  A nonverbal display of low self esteem and confidence can be the beacon that the bully looks for. 

Fake it until you make it.   This phrase was taught to me later in life, when as a young beginning teacher I was nervous in front of a class of 30 students.  Showing a lack of confidence would expose weakness, and a classroom full of 11 year olds would be more than happy to exploit it.  So, even though I was unsure of myself and my decisons - I faked it.  Somewhere along the way I was doing less faking.  Never certain what was the turning point, but by the end of the school year I felt confident and was recognized for having good classroom management skills.  So, even if your child is panic stricken at the thought of walking the halls amongst the sea of students, if they stop and consciously make an effort to show good posture, they can fake it until they make it.

Martial arts.  The very nature of what we do promotes confidence.  However, we also work on specific skills that demonstrate it.  Whether it be our bow (with eyes up and on instructor), or having a student who has recently mastered a drill or exercise lead the rest of the class.  Promote this behavior and encourage your child to attempt to display these same qualities at school can "beat the bully". 

more to come...