I typically try to steer away from conversations that are political in nature. These days it seems that nearly everyone I know is polarized to either be a head-in-the-sand-obama-is-the-antichrist republican or a bleeding-heart-let's-give-away-our-assets-and-country-so-everyone-can-have-the-warm-fuzzies democrat. Me? I'm an independent. Sometimes I vote democrat, sometimes I vote republican. But that's besides the point.
I have held a belief for some time now that no matter how much we try to install a democratic government somewhere, that if the native people didn't have to fight and die for it, it probably won't take. Apathy will prevail, corruption will prevail, the status quo will prevail. Over the past week, I have watched as the people of Egypt have launched what we will probably one day call a revolution to oust their current leader. Mubarak has been in charge for 30 years. Our country has supported him because he helps keep the region "stable". However, the people have had enough of the corruption and brutality. Despite laws forbidding their street marches and protests, they buck the system. Blood has been shed. Several protesters have been killed at the hands of the police, many have been beaten and jailed. They may never see the light of day again. They have sacrificed their blood in the fight for justice and an end to tyranny. If they succeed, and Mubarak steps down, I believe that Egypt will be forever changed - like us. Just try and take their independence back from them. Better be ready for a hell of a fight.
Now look at Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq we toppled the evil dictator who suppressed his people and committed genocide. We set up an interim government and then implemented democratic elections. We continue to see our soldiers die as they attempt to drive out insurgents in both countries. In the meantime, what do we get from their installed governments? Corruption, apathy and a lack of a real attempt to take charge of their own country and deal with the problems themselves. If we left tomorrow? They would probably see another dictator take over and the beginning of a new regime. I don't think this new independence is valued the same as it would be if they were standing right beside us; working, fighting, and dying.
Although our forefathers fought and bled for our independence over 200 years ago, the IDEA of their sacrifice is still present in the American culture. If anyone ever takes over our country, it won't be by force. Every man, woman, and child would likely take up arms and fight. We are a country of fighters. We have more firearms per capita than any other country in the world. Why? Simple. Because we can. Its our right to, and men have died to protect that right. In fact, it may well be an obligation to own a firearm to protect ourselves from an unjust government. Its what our country's founders believed. But no, if the United States ever changes to a monarchy/dictatorship/Islamic republic, it will likely be a very gradual process. A gradual fleecing of us all.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Ages 5 and up, please
I frequently receive calls from mothers and fathers looking to enroll their child in martial arts class. I always respond with the phrase, "tell me about your child". One of the things I am trying to find out is the child's age. As a matter of practice, I don't accept children under the age of 5. In the past, I have done a 2 lesson evaluation trial with a few 4 yr olds, but I often have to tell them to come back in about a year. When explaining this over the phone, the question is always WHY?
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Would you like fries with that?
Had a few phone calls lately that have gone something like this...
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
Monday, November 8, 2010
ADHD - Learning Disability or Situational Mismatch?
Over the years I have taught a multitude of students with this...label. ADHD. ADD. As a young teacher, I drank from the company Kool-Aid and accepted that this was a learning disability. Some students were born with it, others develop it through their environment (nature vs. nurture). It became a topic that teachers would talk about in hushed voices beyond the reach of students' ears. "Little Ronnie Runamuck is sooooo hyper today. I wish they would put him on some meds already." And me? Guilty as charged also. Having an 11 year old boy that can't sit still, won't listen to directions, and is constantly tapping, talking, or prodding at other students can be devestating to a teacher's classroom management. I too, wished lil Ronnie's mother would finally take her son to the doctor and have him evaluated. Medicate that kid. Calm him down. I need some peace and quiet and my classroom back.
Now? I've had some time to marinate with this idea. Perhaps the problem isn't that lil Ronnie has a learning disability, but that our traditional model of schools isn't equipped or designed to deal with kids who are so kinesthetic. Would these children excel if they were in a charter or private school that was designed to allow kids to get up, move around, and learn in a way that fit them? The Montessori movement was designed to address this need, but primarily for elementary students. Think about it. Are we medicating them because they have a learning disability and CAN'T LEARN or because THEY CAN'T LEARN IN OUR CURRENT SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT? If the answer is the latter, should we really be medicating them to make them fit this mold? Is it a biological problem or a logistical problem?
Some of our best business leaders are walking posterboys for adult ADHD. They change gears and multitask constantly; holding conferences, making snap decisions, and quickly analyzing information. Try to hold a steady, focused conversation for more than 5 minutes though and you'll see what I mean. For them, their learning style is an asset. It actually gives them an edge over the rest of us in that environment. In school, their learning style was a disability, in the "real world" its their edge. So was it ever a disability to begin with?
Now? I've had some time to marinate with this idea. Perhaps the problem isn't that lil Ronnie has a learning disability, but that our traditional model of schools isn't equipped or designed to deal with kids who are so kinesthetic. Would these children excel if they were in a charter or private school that was designed to allow kids to get up, move around, and learn in a way that fit them? The Montessori movement was designed to address this need, but primarily for elementary students. Think about it. Are we medicating them because they have a learning disability and CAN'T LEARN or because THEY CAN'T LEARN IN OUR CURRENT SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT? If the answer is the latter, should we really be medicating them to make them fit this mold? Is it a biological problem or a logistical problem?
Some of our best business leaders are walking posterboys for adult ADHD. They change gears and multitask constantly; holding conferences, making snap decisions, and quickly analyzing information. Try to hold a steady, focused conversation for more than 5 minutes though and you'll see what I mean. For them, their learning style is an asset. It actually gives them an edge over the rest of us in that environment. In school, their learning style was a disability, in the "real world" its their edge. So was it ever a disability to begin with?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Bully Can Come in All Shapes and Sizes
When asked to describe a bully, most people describe them as "often bigger than other kids, have low self-esteem, often were bullied themselves, constantly carry a foul attitude". This stereotype is even the first offered up from school age children as well. However, if you dig a little more, and ask the right questions, you find that they describe bullying behavior coming from all types. Girls. Boys. Short. Tall. Overweight. Scrawny. Aggressive. Passive Agressive.
Actually, recent studies have shown that bullies are often confident to the point of arrogance. Sometimes engaging in the bullying behavior for amusement or to flex their social muscle and exert dominance. Sometimes the bullying is driven by more sinister attitudes, like racism, sexism, or other discriminations. It can be as simple as excluding someone out from activities because they aren't wearing the right brand of clothes.
The truth is, in order to put a stop to bullying, we have to stop working off of old ideas. Bullies are children. Our children. Sometimes the bully becomes the victim. Sometimes your nice, compassionate straight A student can have a day where they make wrong decisions and participate in bullying behavior. The lines aren't so clear cut. Children who chronically participate in bullying can have moments of compassion and understanding. Sometimes even the victims make wrong decisions that taunt or even encourage a bully so that they can receive some type of attention (negative attention can be better than none sometimes). We can't simply say that one child is a bully, and this one is not and then work off of those labels. Instead, we have to teach kids what bullying behavior is, how to break the pattern if they are engaging in it, and how to deal with it if they are a victim or a bystander.
Actually, recent studies have shown that bullies are often confident to the point of arrogance. Sometimes engaging in the bullying behavior for amusement or to flex their social muscle and exert dominance. Sometimes the bullying is driven by more sinister attitudes, like racism, sexism, or other discriminations. It can be as simple as excluding someone out from activities because they aren't wearing the right brand of clothes.
The truth is, in order to put a stop to bullying, we have to stop working off of old ideas. Bullies are children. Our children. Sometimes the bully becomes the victim. Sometimes your nice, compassionate straight A student can have a day where they make wrong decisions and participate in bullying behavior. The lines aren't so clear cut. Children who chronically participate in bullying can have moments of compassion and understanding. Sometimes even the victims make wrong decisions that taunt or even encourage a bully so that they can receive some type of attention (negative attention can be better than none sometimes). We can't simply say that one child is a bully, and this one is not and then work off of those labels. Instead, we have to teach kids what bullying behavior is, how to break the pattern if they are engaging in it, and how to deal with it if they are a victim or a bystander.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
ZERO TOLERANCE = ZERO THINKING??
As you may have noticed by now, the bullying epidemic is something that I have strong opinions of. Here's my latest rant...
Public Schools have a Zero Tolerance policy regarding fighting. This means that when there is a physical altercation in a public school, both parties are given the same punishment, regardless of ANY extenuating circumstances. I'm sure that the policy sounded good to the legal departments of our nation's public schools. Having a flat, one-size-fits-all policy means less chance of having to defend a lawsuit by a parent saying that their child was given a different punishment for the same offense. This also makes it easy for a school principal to say "I'm sorry ma'am/sir, that is our policy, and I'm not allowed to deviate from it". It gives the school admin an easy out, and takes all thinking out of the situation. How do I know this? I've watched these scenarios play out over and over during teaching experience. I've sat in on countless parent-teacher-admin conferences, and seen the pain in parents' faces as they try an advocate for their child who is being bullied at school. I've listened to the responses by fellow teachers and admins, and even remember feeling powerless to help these kids.
The problem, as I'm sure you can guess, is that situations in life are not black & white. The Zero Tolerance policy tries to make it that way. There is absolutely no allowance for self-defense. If you defend yourself, you get expelled. Period. If you tried to defend yourself, you were wrong for not "running away" or going to tell a teacher. However, this doesn't account for being cornered, such as in a school restroom (where many fights take place). So, if this is the message we are sending to our children, then what do we expect them to do when they are physically bullied by another student? If our children fear defending themselves, they empower those who would do them harm for their own amusement.
Now, I'm not advocating telling students to perform eye gouges, fish hooks, and haymaker punches to get out of a situation. There are several less harming techniques that can be used to get out of a situation and protect yourself. We teach these as part of our martial arts curriculum at CFMA. I am in favor of allowing a school administrator to use some good judgement to determine if there was a need for self-defense. However, until our lawmakers and state school admins recognize that this has to be changed, each parent has to make a decision of what to tell their child. Their are risks/rewards to be considered. As for me, I'm going to echo the words of my father who said "Son, don't fight if you don't have to, but if you are cornered and have to fight and then get in trouble, I'll support you".
Public Schools have a Zero Tolerance policy regarding fighting. This means that when there is a physical altercation in a public school, both parties are given the same punishment, regardless of ANY extenuating circumstances. I'm sure that the policy sounded good to the legal departments of our nation's public schools. Having a flat, one-size-fits-all policy means less chance of having to defend a lawsuit by a parent saying that their child was given a different punishment for the same offense. This also makes it easy for a school principal to say "I'm sorry ma'am/sir, that is our policy, and I'm not allowed to deviate from it". It gives the school admin an easy out, and takes all thinking out of the situation. How do I know this? I've watched these scenarios play out over and over during teaching experience. I've sat in on countless parent-teacher-admin conferences, and seen the pain in parents' faces as they try an advocate for their child who is being bullied at school. I've listened to the responses by fellow teachers and admins, and even remember feeling powerless to help these kids.
The problem, as I'm sure you can guess, is that situations in life are not black & white. The Zero Tolerance policy tries to make it that way. There is absolutely no allowance for self-defense. If you defend yourself, you get expelled. Period. If you tried to defend yourself, you were wrong for not "running away" or going to tell a teacher. However, this doesn't account for being cornered, such as in a school restroom (where many fights take place). So, if this is the message we are sending to our children, then what do we expect them to do when they are physically bullied by another student? If our children fear defending themselves, they empower those who would do them harm for their own amusement.
Now, I'm not advocating telling students to perform eye gouges, fish hooks, and haymaker punches to get out of a situation. There are several less harming techniques that can be used to get out of a situation and protect yourself. We teach these as part of our martial arts curriculum at CFMA. I am in favor of allowing a school administrator to use some good judgement to determine if there was a need for self-defense. However, until our lawmakers and state school admins recognize that this has to be changed, each parent has to make a decision of what to tell their child. Their are risks/rewards to be considered. As for me, I'm going to echo the words of my father who said "Son, don't fight if you don't have to, but if you are cornered and have to fight and then get in trouble, I'll support you".
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Spidey Senses
I remember Saturday mornings as a child. My brother and I would get up early (mom was still sleeping), grab a bowl of cereal and our breakfast trays and plop down in front of the T.V. I'm ashamed to say that we would watch several hours of morning cartoons (but then I turned out o.k., right?), and among them was Spiderman and Friends. Peter Parker would get a spidey tingle whenever danger was near or something bad was about to happen. This spidey sense would give him the edge to prepare for a menacing villain or some type of disaster.
Do you have "spidey senses"? Of course you do. The real question is do you listen to them, and use them to prepare for what might happen.
Last week, I went with my wife and kids to a play date at the local Chick-fil-a. The kids met, and ventured into the glass box called the play area. My wife and the other children's mother sat a table to engage in conversation and talk about..."mom things". I took a seat at a nearby table so as not to interrupt their talk.
About 10 minutes later, I hear someone talking very loudly to one of the cashiers. Sounded like he was giving them a lecture about something biblical in nature. I didn't pay much attention...until he sat down at a table near the mothers. It was a completely empty resteurant, save myself and the two mothers at the table.
He sat there, eating his chicken sandwich and picking at his golden colored waffle fries. He was eating and staring. My spidey sense was giving a cautionary ring. Possible threat detected. Defenses up.
"Those your kids?" he asked, as he pushed a bulge of chicken to one side of his mouth.
My wife nodded.
I stared at him. Did a quick head to toe check. Then a quick scan of the room to check exits and identify weapons of opportunity. Does a bendy straw and plastic fork count?
He then proceeded to interrupt the conversation between my wife and her new friend about once every 2 minutes. As soon as they would get back on track, he would butt in.
Among other things he talked about, he gave a short dissertation on the history of Union County Public Schools, and how we have one of the best systems in the state. Then in a flash of contradiction, explained what was wrong with teaching and kids today. When some new patrons entered the dining room, he did the same. You could see the tension in the room. You could also tell these people were also uncomfortable with his assertive demeanor.
After several interchanges where he would lecture and only be met with a nod and then a turn away, he finished his meal and left. The whole exhange lasted about 15 minutes.
No harm done.
Some might say I was being paranoid or pessimistic about the nature of people.
Those are the same people who look like a deer in the headlights when something bad does come their way. Its called "situational awareness".
Here's my analysis of the situation:
Warning Sign # 1: Resteurant patron speaking in a voice volume much louder than what is necessary.
Warning Sign #2: Despite a completely empty dining room, sits down at a nearby table to where we are.
Warning Sign #3: Repeatedly interrupts conversation and trys to evoke a reply that would possibly allow him to argue and give a lecture on a subject of his choosing.
I say look to the animal kingdom and then tell me if I'm wrong. Any animal looking to exert dominance on another typically does 1 or all 3 (in their own way). Dogs get louder and change pitch when walking up on other unfamiliar dogs. Then proximity is used to further exert dominance, acting as a silent threat. If that doesn't work and the other dog walks away or ignores, the dominating dog looks to interfere with their path of exit or use body language to convey a threat.
This guy was harmless. He was looking to be the dominant figure in the room. He accomplished this by being assertive and relentless with his comments and questions. For the most part, he succeeded. I never engaged him, verbally or otherwise. Not every person that acts this way is harmless. Would he have been willing to exert dominance physically? Who knows? The next guy might.
God gave us this spidey sense for a reason. Use it. Be aware. Be ready.
Do you have "spidey senses"? Of course you do. The real question is do you listen to them, and use them to prepare for what might happen.
Last week, I went with my wife and kids to a play date at the local Chick-fil-a. The kids met, and ventured into the glass box called the play area. My wife and the other children's mother sat a table to engage in conversation and talk about..."mom things". I took a seat at a nearby table so as not to interrupt their talk.
About 10 minutes later, I hear someone talking very loudly to one of the cashiers. Sounded like he was giving them a lecture about something biblical in nature. I didn't pay much attention...until he sat down at a table near the mothers. It was a completely empty resteurant, save myself and the two mothers at the table.
He sat there, eating his chicken sandwich and picking at his golden colored waffle fries. He was eating and staring. My spidey sense was giving a cautionary ring. Possible threat detected. Defenses up.
"Those your kids?" he asked, as he pushed a bulge of chicken to one side of his mouth.
My wife nodded.
I stared at him. Did a quick head to toe check. Then a quick scan of the room to check exits and identify weapons of opportunity. Does a bendy straw and plastic fork count?
He then proceeded to interrupt the conversation between my wife and her new friend about once every 2 minutes. As soon as they would get back on track, he would butt in.
Among other things he talked about, he gave a short dissertation on the history of Union County Public Schools, and how we have one of the best systems in the state. Then in a flash of contradiction, explained what was wrong with teaching and kids today. When some new patrons entered the dining room, he did the same. You could see the tension in the room. You could also tell these people were also uncomfortable with his assertive demeanor.
After several interchanges where he would lecture and only be met with a nod and then a turn away, he finished his meal and left. The whole exhange lasted about 15 minutes.
No harm done.
Some might say I was being paranoid or pessimistic about the nature of people.
Those are the same people who look like a deer in the headlights when something bad does come their way. Its called "situational awareness".
Here's my analysis of the situation:
Warning Sign # 1: Resteurant patron speaking in a voice volume much louder than what is necessary.
Warning Sign #2: Despite a completely empty dining room, sits down at a nearby table to where we are.
Warning Sign #3: Repeatedly interrupts conversation and trys to evoke a reply that would possibly allow him to argue and give a lecture on a subject of his choosing.
I say look to the animal kingdom and then tell me if I'm wrong. Any animal looking to exert dominance on another typically does 1 or all 3 (in their own way). Dogs get louder and change pitch when walking up on other unfamiliar dogs. Then proximity is used to further exert dominance, acting as a silent threat. If that doesn't work and the other dog walks away or ignores, the dominating dog looks to interfere with their path of exit or use body language to convey a threat.
This guy was harmless. He was looking to be the dominant figure in the room. He accomplished this by being assertive and relentless with his comments and questions. For the most part, he succeeded. I never engaged him, verbally or otherwise. Not every person that acts this way is harmless. Would he have been willing to exert dominance physically? Who knows? The next guy might.
God gave us this spidey sense for a reason. Use it. Be aware. Be ready.
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