When I was young, my father had this to say with regards to fighting, "Don't start fights, but if you have to fight, hit first and hit hard". Of course, I didn't follow it. Nearly every fight I got into growing up, I waited for them to punch at me, then I would block and counter. Only when I was confronted by someone with a baseball bat did I finally "get it". I never waited for him to raise the bat. I went home with a new bat that day. I think my mother still has it in her basement.
Ol' Dad has some of the best advice I can share with regards to defense. I'm not talking about scuffles on the playground or crazy Uncle Eddie getting rowdy at the family reunion. I'm talking about real predators looking to beat, mug, rape, maim, or kill you. Its not exactly PC, but then again trying to be PC while defending yourself can make the difference between walking away and being carried away.
You don't have to wait until someone throws a punch at you, pulls a knife or gun, or grabs your throat. If you wait that long, you are already losing.
Hit first, hit hard. When someone starts to raise their fist, go ahead and hit 'em. Reaching for that knife clip you noticed sticking out of their pocket? Hit 'em. Reaching for your throat? Yup, you guessed it.
For those of you who cry that it isn't fair? Life's tough. Get over it.
You have a right to protect yourself from the moment that you feel an imminent threat, i.e., raised fist, a reach for the knife. So its o.k. to hit first.
Still crying about "fighting fair"? Then you won't like this either. I strongly advocate sticking fingers in the eyes, punching throats, grabbing balls, and every other dirty trick in the book.
Remember, the goal in a true self-defense situation is not to play fair, its to be able to get back home to your family; so go ahead, shove a finger in their eye and then go home and sleep well. ; )
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fast Forward 10 Years (thoughts on 9/11)
It was 9:00am when the teacher in the classroom next to mine burst in the door, "Turn the T.V. on - NOW!" The confusion on my face must have been apparent. "Just do it, there's been an accident".
I turned on the T.V. to see an image that is forever burned into the minds of many people around the world. I saw the top quarter of the North tower enveloped in black smoke. At that time, nobody knew what was going on. It appeared to have been an accident, and the reporters were struggling to describe what was happening as well. My classroom was buzzing. The kids in my class were talking to each other, asking questions, a couple of boys were even laughing. I could only say "I don't know, a plane must have lost control".
About a minute or so later (9:03), I watched the second plane fly into view, and promptly slam into the South tower.
In that second or two during and after, my mind had already processed what I had seen, ran through the logical possibilities of what was happening, and just that quickly...I remember quietly uttering, "we're being attacked".
The kids got very quiet. We all watched in horror as people began jumping out of the burning tower, to what they must have known was certain death. Some of my more vocal students asked why they were jumping. I replied, "because they would rather take the risk of dieing from the fall rather than stay and burn alive". One boy, Matthew ____, laughed out loud, and said, "They'll just rebuild that building anyway". At that moment, I wanted to squeeze his neck until his head popped off. I gave him a very nasty look and said, "Matt, we are watching people die. A lot of people die." I didn't hear from him anymore that day.
I turned off the T.V. for awhile. My planning period was coming up soon, and I knew that the kids had already seen too much for them to be able to process. I think they went to their next class, P.E., at 9:27am.
I turned the T.V. back on.
Over the next hour, we heard about the plane flying into the Pentagon, and then the report of a plane going down in Pennsylvania. Soemwhere in there, I watched the towers collapse. We were under full attack. My thoughts turned inward, trying to do a quick mental scan of where all my family, friends, and relatives worked, and might any of them be in high risk area.
Today, for the first time in years, I thought about the students in that class. They would be about 21 years old now. I wonder how they think of that day. What do they remember about that time? What do they remember about me, how I acted, what I said? Did I show them too much? Do they feel the same way I do now about that day? I may never know. I can only hope that I run into one of them some day and have the courage to ask.
Maybe it will be Matt -that would be nice. I owe him an apology. I later realized that his laughing and uncaring remark was just a reaction to not being able to understand what he was seeing. Nervousness, ignorance, and fear can manifest themselves in different ways. Some people say seemingly stupid things, others stand frozen in thought...and some fly planes into buildings.
Sorry Matt.
NEVER FORGET. STAY VIGILANT.
I turned on the T.V. to see an image that is forever burned into the minds of many people around the world. I saw the top quarter of the North tower enveloped in black smoke. At that time, nobody knew what was going on. It appeared to have been an accident, and the reporters were struggling to describe what was happening as well. My classroom was buzzing. The kids in my class were talking to each other, asking questions, a couple of boys were even laughing. I could only say "I don't know, a plane must have lost control".
About a minute or so later (9:03), I watched the second plane fly into view, and promptly slam into the South tower.
In that second or two during and after, my mind had already processed what I had seen, ran through the logical possibilities of what was happening, and just that quickly...I remember quietly uttering, "we're being attacked".
The kids got very quiet. We all watched in horror as people began jumping out of the burning tower, to what they must have known was certain death. Some of my more vocal students asked why they were jumping. I replied, "because they would rather take the risk of dieing from the fall rather than stay and burn alive". One boy, Matthew ____, laughed out loud, and said, "They'll just rebuild that building anyway". At that moment, I wanted to squeeze his neck until his head popped off. I gave him a very nasty look and said, "Matt, we are watching people die. A lot of people die." I didn't hear from him anymore that day.
I turned off the T.V. for awhile. My planning period was coming up soon, and I knew that the kids had already seen too much for them to be able to process. I think they went to their next class, P.E., at 9:27am.
I turned the T.V. back on.
Over the next hour, we heard about the plane flying into the Pentagon, and then the report of a plane going down in Pennsylvania. Soemwhere in there, I watched the towers collapse. We were under full attack. My thoughts turned inward, trying to do a quick mental scan of where all my family, friends, and relatives worked, and might any of them be in high risk area.
Today, for the first time in years, I thought about the students in that class. They would be about 21 years old now. I wonder how they think of that day. What do they remember about that time? What do they remember about me, how I acted, what I said? Did I show them too much? Do they feel the same way I do now about that day? I may never know. I can only hope that I run into one of them some day and have the courage to ask.
Maybe it will be Matt -that would be nice. I owe him an apology. I later realized that his laughing and uncaring remark was just a reaction to not being able to understand what he was seeing. Nervousness, ignorance, and fear can manifest themselves in different ways. Some people say seemingly stupid things, others stand frozen in thought...and some fly planes into buildings.
Sorry Matt.
NEVER FORGET. STAY VIGILANT.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Public Education - time for a hard look
Is our educational system preparing our children for greatness or failing them miserably?
I recently listened to a story on NPR regarding our state's public schools, retention/failure rates, graduation rates, etc. During the story, our current budgetary and financial woes were brought up as reasons for some of our problems. In particular, Charlotte-Meck schools were singled out because they are cutting hundreds (or was it thousands?) of teaching, assistant, and support staff positions. Schools being closed and sold off.
I'm sure some of this is necessary, but at the same time I get really ticked off. I've seen firsthand some of the ridiculous things that school systems spend money on. Computer programs that help with reading scores that costs thousands of dollars per year to keep a license current. My very first "teaching" position was as a ComputerReading lab monitor. Not teacher. Monitor. All I did was load the program and make sure the kids sat in front of the computer. I've also frequently seen consultants hired to come do workshops - not on teaching - but rather on how to teach your kids to "beat" the EOG test. One principal I worked for spent thousands on workbooks that taught EOG test taking strategies to the kids via Overhead Sheets.
The focus becomes on teaching to the test. But then can you blame them? The teacher's salary and evaluations all hang on that test. Nevermind that we are dealing with whatever problems the child brings from home, or from a poor performance in another teacher's class the year before, or two years before.
This all disgusts me.
It has been proven time and time again that the single most important factor in the classroom/school is the teacher. Period. Want better test scores and student achievement? Hire more teachers and reduce your class teacher-student ratios. Get rid of the ridiculous things that we spend money on to try and slap a band-aid on the problem. Instead, we cutting teaching positions and cramming more kids in each classroom. I can guarantee you that just as much time will be spent managing behavior as teaching.
Administrators will tell you that they can't spend that money on teaching positions because its been "earmarked" by the state as other types of funds that have to be used for technology standards, remediation, or whatever. I've heard it all before. Just a bunch of excuses. We are in a budget crisis, right? Change the darn earmarks - or better yet, remove them altogether. Allow the local governments and admins the power to allocate funds as they see fit.
Remove the excuse. Then demand results.
I recently listened to a story on NPR regarding our state's public schools, retention/failure rates, graduation rates, etc. During the story, our current budgetary and financial woes were brought up as reasons for some of our problems. In particular, Charlotte-Meck schools were singled out because they are cutting hundreds (or was it thousands?) of teaching, assistant, and support staff positions. Schools being closed and sold off.
I'm sure some of this is necessary, but at the same time I get really ticked off. I've seen firsthand some of the ridiculous things that school systems spend money on. Computer programs that help with reading scores that costs thousands of dollars per year to keep a license current. My very first "teaching" position was as a ComputerReading lab monitor. Not teacher. Monitor. All I did was load the program and make sure the kids sat in front of the computer. I've also frequently seen consultants hired to come do workshops - not on teaching - but rather on how to teach your kids to "beat" the EOG test. One principal I worked for spent thousands on workbooks that taught EOG test taking strategies to the kids via Overhead Sheets.
The focus becomes on teaching to the test. But then can you blame them? The teacher's salary and evaluations all hang on that test. Nevermind that we are dealing with whatever problems the child brings from home, or from a poor performance in another teacher's class the year before, or two years before.
This all disgusts me.
It has been proven time and time again that the single most important factor in the classroom/school is the teacher. Period. Want better test scores and student achievement? Hire more teachers and reduce your class teacher-student ratios. Get rid of the ridiculous things that we spend money on to try and slap a band-aid on the problem. Instead, we cutting teaching positions and cramming more kids in each classroom. I can guarantee you that just as much time will be spent managing behavior as teaching.
Administrators will tell you that they can't spend that money on teaching positions because its been "earmarked" by the state as other types of funds that have to be used for technology standards, remediation, or whatever. I've heard it all before. Just a bunch of excuses. We are in a budget crisis, right? Change the darn earmarks - or better yet, remove them altogether. Allow the local governments and admins the power to allocate funds as they see fit.
Remove the excuse. Then demand results.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sizzle? or Steak?
Which would you rather have? The steak or the sizzle? Flashy, showy, fancy martial arts or direct, effective, no-nonsense approach to training?
For a couple of years, I worked with a pretty large headwear company. They made ball caps and other hats. They were of pretty decent quality, but they spent a fortune on their packaging. Very thick corrugated cardboard, printed in multiple colors (gets pretty expensive for a box), nice tags, etc. The owner of the company was quoted as saying "We don't sell the steak, we sell the sizzle!" (its why I just can't work in sales)
I've studied quite a few martial arts styles over the years. Some were very flashy, to the point of causing me concern. I mean really, do you want to have a student go out and try to defend themselves with technique that has absolutely no chance of working unless you have a willing partner? You may as well send them to slaughter. Another style was a simple "combat" style, which was absolutely no-nonsense. Techniques were simple, and were repeated over and over. Honestly, it was kind of boring. I mean, how many times can you practice a palm strike to the face and groin before its time to move on?
People typically seek out Traditional Martial Arts like Kung Fu, Karate, TKD, etc., because they are interested in the expressive aspects of the style, as well as the self-defense. There is a satisfaction to be had by performing forms and sets that have been done for hundreds of years. There is also the need to express one's self, which can be found by performing and through training. Pulling off some of the flashy moves just feels good. I admit it. It looks cool.
At Corey Family Martial Arts, I feel there needs to be a balance in training. I will teach the traditional aspects, but also focus on self-defense...and once in awhile I'll through in some flashy moves. What is important is to distinguish between what is solid technique and what is "sizzle". My favorite teacher shows such techniques and then makes a point to identify it as "Hollywood". So, we know what is done for real fighting and defense, and what is just sizzle.
Come on down and train. Have a nice big helping of steak, with just a little bit of sizzle.
For a couple of years, I worked with a pretty large headwear company. They made ball caps and other hats. They were of pretty decent quality, but they spent a fortune on their packaging. Very thick corrugated cardboard, printed in multiple colors (gets pretty expensive for a box), nice tags, etc. The owner of the company was quoted as saying "We don't sell the steak, we sell the sizzle!" (its why I just can't work in sales)
I've studied quite a few martial arts styles over the years. Some were very flashy, to the point of causing me concern. I mean really, do you want to have a student go out and try to defend themselves with technique that has absolutely no chance of working unless you have a willing partner? You may as well send them to slaughter. Another style was a simple "combat" style, which was absolutely no-nonsense. Techniques were simple, and were repeated over and over. Honestly, it was kind of boring. I mean, how many times can you practice a palm strike to the face and groin before its time to move on?
People typically seek out Traditional Martial Arts like Kung Fu, Karate, TKD, etc., because they are interested in the expressive aspects of the style, as well as the self-defense. There is a satisfaction to be had by performing forms and sets that have been done for hundreds of years. There is also the need to express one's self, which can be found by performing and through training. Pulling off some of the flashy moves just feels good. I admit it. It looks cool.
At Corey Family Martial Arts, I feel there needs to be a balance in training. I will teach the traditional aspects, but also focus on self-defense...and once in awhile I'll through in some flashy moves. What is important is to distinguish between what is solid technique and what is "sizzle". My favorite teacher shows such techniques and then makes a point to identify it as "Hollywood". So, we know what is done for real fighting and defense, and what is just sizzle.
Come on down and train. Have a nice big helping of steak, with just a little bit of sizzle.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
When can I test, Sifu?
I get asked this question on occasion, by students and parents of students. I recently had a student ask that has only been taking kung fu classes for 1 month. They explained to me that they had a _____ belt at their last school in only 6 months. I have to say that my reply isn't usually what they are looking for.
I'd love to say, "Wow!, Your technique is so sharp, let's test tomorrow!". But I won't. Its just not true.
Instead, I have to gently explain that I don't test students for sash promotions until they are ready. Students won't fail a sash test with me because I won't let them test until I know that they understand the requirements and can show a suitable level of mastery of those skills.
Now, let me explain why your child, who has been training for several months, still isn't ready for their first sash. Remember, I'm speaking in generalities...
1. No emphasis on technique. If your child performs the forms and training exercises without any intensity whatsoever, then they aren't ready. You can't just go through the motions. To quote one of my favorite martial arts stars...."You need emotional content". If you don't know what I'm talking about please check out this clip from Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon".
2. Still struggling to remember our basic curriculum material? Not ready. The truth is that 2 classes a week is not enough to make advancements in rank that fast. You get out of your training what you put in. Your child needs to practice their requirements at home once in awhile. Its just like learning to play piano, guitar, or learn another language - you have to practice.
The bottom line is this. I don't run a "McDojo".(google it) I don't give out rank advancements just so that we can have a case of the warm fuzzies. Rank must be earned, not given as a gift. If I tell you its time to test for rank, its actually because you have shown me that you already are performing at that level - now its just time to show off what you know. The test is more like a demonstration.
Now go practice.
I'd love to say, "Wow!, Your technique is so sharp, let's test tomorrow!". But I won't. Its just not true.
Instead, I have to gently explain that I don't test students for sash promotions until they are ready. Students won't fail a sash test with me because I won't let them test until I know that they understand the requirements and can show a suitable level of mastery of those skills.
Now, let me explain why your child, who has been training for several months, still isn't ready for their first sash. Remember, I'm speaking in generalities...
1. No emphasis on technique. If your child performs the forms and training exercises without any intensity whatsoever, then they aren't ready. You can't just go through the motions. To quote one of my favorite martial arts stars...."You need emotional content". If you don't know what I'm talking about please check out this clip from Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon".
2. Still struggling to remember our basic curriculum material? Not ready. The truth is that 2 classes a week is not enough to make advancements in rank that fast. You get out of your training what you put in. Your child needs to practice their requirements at home once in awhile. Its just like learning to play piano, guitar, or learn another language - you have to practice.
The bottom line is this. I don't run a "McDojo".(google it) I don't give out rank advancements just so that we can have a case of the warm fuzzies. Rank must be earned, not given as a gift. If I tell you its time to test for rank, its actually because you have shown me that you already are performing at that level - now its just time to show off what you know. The test is more like a demonstration.
Now go practice.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Advice for Parents of a Bullied Child
When I was in 6th grade, I had a few issues with bullies. I didn't share much with my parents, so I dealt with it. Silently. I already knew how my father felt about bullies. They needed taken down a notch. I was expected to stand up for myself and deal with it. If need be, I had prior permission to take things up a notch and strike if I felt cornered.
Now, 25+ years later, I am a father myself. I want my son to be strong. I want him to be confident. I want him to be able to defend himself.
But sometimes, I think its o.k. for Daddy to step in. Bullying is one of those things where I will be ready to step in. Our children are exposed to much more than we were as kids. There are even creative new ways to be a bully, like cyberbullying. Despite all the attention that bullying has received lately from the press, the White House, and legislators, there is still not enough being done to handle the problem. Just making everyone aware of how bad bullying can be is not enough. You want change? Be prepared to fight for it.
Here's a few suggestions that may help, based on my experiences as the bullied, and as a classroom teacher.
1. Don't assume your child will tell you much, or any of what is going on at school. Watch for the signs of bullying. They tend to be the same signs they tell you are signs of drug use. Acting withdrawn, mood swings, decline in grades, and other big changes in behavior.
2. If you have identified that your child is being bullied, its time to act. First thing, do some recon. Talk to your child and at least try and find out who is doing the bullying and where it is happening. If they just won't tell you, don't give up. Make a phone call to the parents of one of his/her close friends. They may be able to get some basic details of what is going on.
3. Go in and talk to your child's teachers and an administrator. Do this NOW. Tell them it can't wait. Let them know that you are concerned about your child's safety and change in behavior. Allow the teachers to respond and LISTEN to them. They may have some insight about what is going on, and what role, if any, your child is playing in the problem. THEN, tell them what you expect to see happen. If bullying is happening in the halls or bathroom, tell them you expect more supervision. (often, teachers hang out in their rooms inbetween class changes). If it is happening during a class, (and yes it does - bullying can be very subtle) let them know you expect an immediate seat change. If it is on the bus, you want your child in a seat near the driver. Get the idea? ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD.
ON THAT NOTE: Make sure your expectations revolve around your own child. If you go in for the conference and do nothing but gripe about the bully, not much will get done. Let the administrator know you expect to see the bully disciplined according to the code of conduct for the school. Most important is to lay out the changes you expect to see that are going to improve the quality of life for your child.
4. BE AWARE OF YOUR RIGHTS. Your child has a right to a safe, secure learning environment. If your child is being bullied, and it is affecting their education, then it is BREAKING THE LAW. See here, http://www.bullypolice.org/NC_law2009.pdf and look at the definition of bullying. In a court of law, it would not be a tough argument to say that a bullied child is being subjected to a hostile environment that affects their educational opportunities and performance. School systems have been successfully sued on much more ambiguous policies. The Bully Law is pretty clear. Familiarize yourself with this document.
If, during a conference with an administrator, they make the mistake of telling you that they know the bully is a problem, but that they cannot make any changes, they have just hung themselves with their own rope. I have had 2 seperate administrators at 2 different schools warn the entire teaching staff against making such comments. They know that it effectively makes them liable and responsible for paying for your child's education in a private setting, if they can't provide a safe learning environment in the public setting, and verbalize the idea. I'm sure they'd like to string me up by my toes for telling you this, but when it comes to your children, its o.k. to fight dirty. Be sure to document everything. If something like this happens, consult an attorney. Have them draft a letter to your child's administrator, making sure to cc: the superintendent, yourself, and anyone else your attorney deems appropriate. Nothing gets a bureaucrat moving like the threat of being sued.
5. If the Bullying involves physical intimidation, hitting, pushing, or any other type of assault - consider filing a report with the police. Even if the police do not go and speak with the parents of the bully, you will have started a paper trail that will be seen in court, if it ever goes that far. However, with the amount of attention that bullying has received lately, many police departments are giving it more serious thought. Even if the schools are not making any progress, you may be able to use the police and the judicial system to get things done.
6. DO NOT GIVE UP. DON'T LET UP. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. BE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE. This is your child. Bullying can affect their confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and overall happiness for years to come. It could make the difference in whether your child grows up to be a well-adjusted, happy, productive adult or a depressed, underperforming, unhappy adult. Don't feel bad that your taking an aggressive role in this fight. Don't let other people tell you things like "aw, maybe the bully is really unhappy and has a bad home life". This is your kid. Someone else is making their life miserable. We cannot let someone drag your child down into misery so that they will have company. Fixing the issues with the bully's life is another issue that needs addressed - by someone else - not you. Don't let it overshadow the rights of your child.
more to come...
Now, 25+ years later, I am a father myself. I want my son to be strong. I want him to be confident. I want him to be able to defend himself.
But sometimes, I think its o.k. for Daddy to step in. Bullying is one of those things where I will be ready to step in. Our children are exposed to much more than we were as kids. There are even creative new ways to be a bully, like cyberbullying. Despite all the attention that bullying has received lately from the press, the White House, and legislators, there is still not enough being done to handle the problem. Just making everyone aware of how bad bullying can be is not enough. You want change? Be prepared to fight for it.
Here's a few suggestions that may help, based on my experiences as the bullied, and as a classroom teacher.
1. Don't assume your child will tell you much, or any of what is going on at school. Watch for the signs of bullying. They tend to be the same signs they tell you are signs of drug use. Acting withdrawn, mood swings, decline in grades, and other big changes in behavior.
2. If you have identified that your child is being bullied, its time to act. First thing, do some recon. Talk to your child and at least try and find out who is doing the bullying and where it is happening. If they just won't tell you, don't give up. Make a phone call to the parents of one of his/her close friends. They may be able to get some basic details of what is going on.
3. Go in and talk to your child's teachers and an administrator. Do this NOW. Tell them it can't wait. Let them know that you are concerned about your child's safety and change in behavior. Allow the teachers to respond and LISTEN to them. They may have some insight about what is going on, and what role, if any, your child is playing in the problem. THEN, tell them what you expect to see happen. If bullying is happening in the halls or bathroom, tell them you expect more supervision. (often, teachers hang out in their rooms inbetween class changes). If it is happening during a class, (and yes it does - bullying can be very subtle) let them know you expect an immediate seat change. If it is on the bus, you want your child in a seat near the driver. Get the idea? ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD.
ON THAT NOTE: Make sure your expectations revolve around your own child. If you go in for the conference and do nothing but gripe about the bully, not much will get done. Let the administrator know you expect to see the bully disciplined according to the code of conduct for the school. Most important is to lay out the changes you expect to see that are going to improve the quality of life for your child.
4. BE AWARE OF YOUR RIGHTS. Your child has a right to a safe, secure learning environment. If your child is being bullied, and it is affecting their education, then it is BREAKING THE LAW. See here, http://www.bullypolice.org/NC_law2009.pdf and look at the definition of bullying. In a court of law, it would not be a tough argument to say that a bullied child is being subjected to a hostile environment that affects their educational opportunities and performance. School systems have been successfully sued on much more ambiguous policies. The Bully Law is pretty clear. Familiarize yourself with this document.
If, during a conference with an administrator, they make the mistake of telling you that they know the bully is a problem, but that they cannot make any changes, they have just hung themselves with their own rope. I have had 2 seperate administrators at 2 different schools warn the entire teaching staff against making such comments. They know that it effectively makes them liable and responsible for paying for your child's education in a private setting, if they can't provide a safe learning environment in the public setting, and verbalize the idea. I'm sure they'd like to string me up by my toes for telling you this, but when it comes to your children, its o.k. to fight dirty. Be sure to document everything. If something like this happens, consult an attorney. Have them draft a letter to your child's administrator, making sure to cc: the superintendent, yourself, and anyone else your attorney deems appropriate. Nothing gets a bureaucrat moving like the threat of being sued.
5. If the Bullying involves physical intimidation, hitting, pushing, or any other type of assault - consider filing a report with the police. Even if the police do not go and speak with the parents of the bully, you will have started a paper trail that will be seen in court, if it ever goes that far. However, with the amount of attention that bullying has received lately, many police departments are giving it more serious thought. Even if the schools are not making any progress, you may be able to use the police and the judicial system to get things done.
6. DO NOT GIVE UP. DON'T LET UP. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. BE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE. This is your child. Bullying can affect their confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and overall happiness for years to come. It could make the difference in whether your child grows up to be a well-adjusted, happy, productive adult or a depressed, underperforming, unhappy adult. Don't feel bad that your taking an aggressive role in this fight. Don't let other people tell you things like "aw, maybe the bully is really unhappy and has a bad home life". This is your kid. Someone else is making their life miserable. We cannot let someone drag your child down into misery so that they will have company. Fixing the issues with the bully's life is another issue that needs addressed - by someone else - not you. Don't let it overshadow the rights of your child.
more to come...
Friday, March 4, 2011
A good cause
I can verify that this is legit. The people holding this iPad2 giveaway are good friends of mine. They are attempting to adopt a little boy from the Ukraine. They are taking on a very big task, as if adopting a child isn't enough, this little boy, Danil, has Down's Syndrome as well. Consider making a donation and getting added to the iPad2 drawing.
http://addingtothemaddness.blogspot.com/2011/03/madd-ipad2-giveaway.html
http://addingtothemaddness.blogspot.com/2011/03/madd-ipad2-giveaway.html
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Talking 'bout My Generation
I have been slowly coming to the conclusion that many of this generation's young people are not able to distinguish between being uncomfortable and being in pain. Perhaps they haven't experienced both?
One of my mantras during Kung Fu practice is to repeatedly remind students to have a tight fist and a low stance. Sounds simple, right? Yet, I have to remind them of it often.
When I remind someone to drop their stance lower, because their knees are locked out and straight after only a few seconds, I sometimes hear "but it hurts". Lately, I have been responding with, "No. You are uncomfortable. There is a big difference". I worry that maybe our kids have it so good that they don't know the difference. Haven't you had to persevere through something before to accomplish a task?
One of the core values that this country was founded on was to work hard and try and make things better for the next generation (your children). We may have reached the apex. Our children are largely spoon fed information in school, given rewards for mediocre things in the interest of self-esteem, and given high dollar items for gifts (iphones, playstations, computers, etc). Our children probably have it easier than any other generation in our history.
HOWEVER, I have seen children as young as 11 using drugs and/or alcohol. I once had a 6th grade student arrested for stealing.... a police radio out of a patrol cruiser. Seen the reports on teen pregnancy lately? How about the groups of girls who make pacts to all get pregnant? Kids are mutilating themselves out of boredom and the addiction to the rush they receive. We have more diagnosed cases of ADD/ADHD than ever, as well as other behavioral disorders. School psychologists are backlogged with cases that they can never get to. Depression. Defiance. Anxiety. Kids these days are as unhappy as ever.
WHY?
I would like to suggest that the reason may be that they feel unfulfilled. How satisfied can you really be unless you earn something you want? or create something you can be proud of? or look at a job well done and feel proud of what you just accomplished? We weren't meant to have everything handed to us on a platter. Whether you cling to Christian morals or think we evolved from primoridal soup. God wants us to work and persevere as part of our spiritual journey. If evolution is your thing, than I ask, does our body structure, brain processes, etc, suggest that we should be sessile beings? Nope. We were meant to work, to run, to jump, to build, to create, to experiment, to investigate.
Martial Arts is one such way for children to EARN their sense of self-fulfillment and accomplishment. The reward is in doing the activity itself. Watch a child's face the first time they learn how to block a punch, evade an attack, or perform a throw. No toy, iphone or xbox needed. The accomplishment of the challenge is the reward itself. This moment of success is motivating. That motivation leads to future moments of success, both in and out of the training hall.
By the way, remember this song? if you're one of my students, likely not. If you're one of my teachers, probably so. Talking 'bout My Generation was performed by The Who.
One of my mantras during Kung Fu practice is to repeatedly remind students to have a tight fist and a low stance. Sounds simple, right? Yet, I have to remind them of it often.
When I remind someone to drop their stance lower, because their knees are locked out and straight after only a few seconds, I sometimes hear "but it hurts". Lately, I have been responding with, "No. You are uncomfortable. There is a big difference". I worry that maybe our kids have it so good that they don't know the difference. Haven't you had to persevere through something before to accomplish a task?
One of the core values that this country was founded on was to work hard and try and make things better for the next generation (your children). We may have reached the apex. Our children are largely spoon fed information in school, given rewards for mediocre things in the interest of self-esteem, and given high dollar items for gifts (iphones, playstations, computers, etc). Our children probably have it easier than any other generation in our history.
HOWEVER, I have seen children as young as 11 using drugs and/or alcohol. I once had a 6th grade student arrested for stealing.... a police radio out of a patrol cruiser. Seen the reports on teen pregnancy lately? How about the groups of girls who make pacts to all get pregnant? Kids are mutilating themselves out of boredom and the addiction to the rush they receive. We have more diagnosed cases of ADD/ADHD than ever, as well as other behavioral disorders. School psychologists are backlogged with cases that they can never get to. Depression. Defiance. Anxiety. Kids these days are as unhappy as ever.
WHY?
I would like to suggest that the reason may be that they feel unfulfilled. How satisfied can you really be unless you earn something you want? or create something you can be proud of? or look at a job well done and feel proud of what you just accomplished? We weren't meant to have everything handed to us on a platter. Whether you cling to Christian morals or think we evolved from primoridal soup. God wants us to work and persevere as part of our spiritual journey. If evolution is your thing, than I ask, does our body structure, brain processes, etc, suggest that we should be sessile beings? Nope. We were meant to work, to run, to jump, to build, to create, to experiment, to investigate.
Martial Arts is one such way for children to EARN their sense of self-fulfillment and accomplishment. The reward is in doing the activity itself. Watch a child's face the first time they learn how to block a punch, evade an attack, or perform a throw. No toy, iphone or xbox needed. The accomplishment of the challenge is the reward itself. This moment of success is motivating. That motivation leads to future moments of success, both in and out of the training hall.
By the way, remember this song? if you're one of my students, likely not. If you're one of my teachers, probably so. Talking 'bout My Generation was performed by The Who.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thoughts on independence and the world police
I typically try to steer away from conversations that are political in nature. These days it seems that nearly everyone I know is polarized to either be a head-in-the-sand-obama-is-the-antichrist republican or a bleeding-heart-let's-give-away-our-assets-and-country-so-everyone-can-have-the-warm-fuzzies democrat. Me? I'm an independent. Sometimes I vote democrat, sometimes I vote republican. But that's besides the point.
I have held a belief for some time now that no matter how much we try to install a democratic government somewhere, that if the native people didn't have to fight and die for it, it probably won't take. Apathy will prevail, corruption will prevail, the status quo will prevail. Over the past week, I have watched as the people of Egypt have launched what we will probably one day call a revolution to oust their current leader. Mubarak has been in charge for 30 years. Our country has supported him because he helps keep the region "stable". However, the people have had enough of the corruption and brutality. Despite laws forbidding their street marches and protests, they buck the system. Blood has been shed. Several protesters have been killed at the hands of the police, many have been beaten and jailed. They may never see the light of day again. They have sacrificed their blood in the fight for justice and an end to tyranny. If they succeed, and Mubarak steps down, I believe that Egypt will be forever changed - like us. Just try and take their independence back from them. Better be ready for a hell of a fight.
Now look at Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq we toppled the evil dictator who suppressed his people and committed genocide. We set up an interim government and then implemented democratic elections. We continue to see our soldiers die as they attempt to drive out insurgents in both countries. In the meantime, what do we get from their installed governments? Corruption, apathy and a lack of a real attempt to take charge of their own country and deal with the problems themselves. If we left tomorrow? They would probably see another dictator take over and the beginning of a new regime. I don't think this new independence is valued the same as it would be if they were standing right beside us; working, fighting, and dying.
Although our forefathers fought and bled for our independence over 200 years ago, the IDEA of their sacrifice is still present in the American culture. If anyone ever takes over our country, it won't be by force. Every man, woman, and child would likely take up arms and fight. We are a country of fighters. We have more firearms per capita than any other country in the world. Why? Simple. Because we can. Its our right to, and men have died to protect that right. In fact, it may well be an obligation to own a firearm to protect ourselves from an unjust government. Its what our country's founders believed. But no, if the United States ever changes to a monarchy/dictatorship/Islamic republic, it will likely be a very gradual process. A gradual fleecing of us all.
I have held a belief for some time now that no matter how much we try to install a democratic government somewhere, that if the native people didn't have to fight and die for it, it probably won't take. Apathy will prevail, corruption will prevail, the status quo will prevail. Over the past week, I have watched as the people of Egypt have launched what we will probably one day call a revolution to oust their current leader. Mubarak has been in charge for 30 years. Our country has supported him because he helps keep the region "stable". However, the people have had enough of the corruption and brutality. Despite laws forbidding their street marches and protests, they buck the system. Blood has been shed. Several protesters have been killed at the hands of the police, many have been beaten and jailed. They may never see the light of day again. They have sacrificed their blood in the fight for justice and an end to tyranny. If they succeed, and Mubarak steps down, I believe that Egypt will be forever changed - like us. Just try and take their independence back from them. Better be ready for a hell of a fight.
Now look at Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq we toppled the evil dictator who suppressed his people and committed genocide. We set up an interim government and then implemented democratic elections. We continue to see our soldiers die as they attempt to drive out insurgents in both countries. In the meantime, what do we get from their installed governments? Corruption, apathy and a lack of a real attempt to take charge of their own country and deal with the problems themselves. If we left tomorrow? They would probably see another dictator take over and the beginning of a new regime. I don't think this new independence is valued the same as it would be if they were standing right beside us; working, fighting, and dying.
Although our forefathers fought and bled for our independence over 200 years ago, the IDEA of their sacrifice is still present in the American culture. If anyone ever takes over our country, it won't be by force. Every man, woman, and child would likely take up arms and fight. We are a country of fighters. We have more firearms per capita than any other country in the world. Why? Simple. Because we can. Its our right to, and men have died to protect that right. In fact, it may well be an obligation to own a firearm to protect ourselves from an unjust government. Its what our country's founders believed. But no, if the United States ever changes to a monarchy/dictatorship/Islamic republic, it will likely be a very gradual process. A gradual fleecing of us all.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Ages 5 and up, please
I frequently receive calls from mothers and fathers looking to enroll their child in martial arts class. I always respond with the phrase, "tell me about your child". One of the things I am trying to find out is the child's age. As a matter of practice, I don't accept children under the age of 5. In the past, I have done a 2 lesson evaluation trial with a few 4 yr olds, but I often have to tell them to come back in about a year. When explaining this over the phone, the question is always WHY?
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Would you like fries with that?
Had a few phone calls lately that have gone something like this...
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
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