One of the questions I occasionally get from a prospective student is, "Is the style pure"?
I smile to myself, and then, although I know the answer, ask them what are they referring to as "pure"?
The last caller that asked this replied, "You know, pure, as in the exact same way it was studied in China, and can trace its roots back a long way".
My response, "By that definition, no it is not, but then by that same definition I don't believe there is a single art you will find that is".
"Well, I'm from so-and-so, and we had several schools in the area that taught pure styles. Its near impossible to find any pure styles in the southern U.S."
"Oh, I see. What styles did you learn there?"
"Well, I did Choy-li-fut for about a year, and a five animal style for awhile, but we also had a Wing Chun school nearby".
"Well then you were fortunate to have so many schools to choose from, however, I would argue that there is no such thing as a pure style".
silence....
"Are you familiar with the history of Choy Li Fut"?
"Well, no, but...."
A transcript of the dialogue followed along the lines of my explaining to him that all arts evolve and change to some degree. Even his shining example of purity, Choy Li Fut, was created by a man who combined the teachings of his three different teachers to create a new system, hence the name.
We adapt.
So to clarify, I do not teach a pure system. In fact, its pretty far from it. Our system originated in China, picked up influences from Korea, and eventually Japan when the inheritor went there for medical care. It also has influences from the styles of Wing Chun and Hung Chuen. It has further gained influence from my studies in Chang Chuen (long fist) and other Shaolin styles. In addition, I try to apply modern training ideas like strength training and conditioning into our studies to compensate for the differences in lifestyles of past generations of students to present day. For example, generations ago, students led fairly tough lives. They farmed, worked machinary, and basically scratched out a living. Nowadays, we watch several hours of TV per week, work in offices, and eat high sugar/high fat foods. We have to train differently in order to make an ancient art work for the modern times.
Pure is a very relative term. Instead, focus on the quality of training and the quality of your instructor, wherever you may go to learn. A fancy pedigree and a pretty studio can't guarantee you either. Go in, ask questions, do some trial lessons, and observe how the instructor interacts with the students.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Why I hate MMA
Mixed Martial Arts, or MMA, is the still the "big thing" in the martial arts world. Many said it would just be a flash in the pan, and then go away, but then simply isn't the case. I think its here to stay...and I hate it.
I don't hate it for the reasons you might think. Running a traditional style martial arts school, I know that I am missing out on a pretty big demographic (males, age 18-32 ) that watch the UFC and The Ultimate Fighter. They usually have no desire to train in a traditional martial art (kung fu, karate, etc). But that's not why I hate MMA.
Why I hate MMA
1) Standing on the shoulders of giants - much of the techniques used in MMA have roots in traditional arts like Jiujitsu, Muay Thai, Boxing, Kempo, etc. Those techniques deserve respect because they have been tested, practiced, and honed for hundreds of years. The teenage kid who walks into an MMA gym will not give it any respect, or realize where it came from. They will then likely attempt to explain to me why MMA is so superior to "XYZ" style of martial arts. No respect for the heritage or history.
2) MMA makes TMA (traditional martial arts) look bad. Let's face it, the MMA crowed often gets into the ring with a kung fu, TKD, karate practicioner and owns them. Watch the first handful of UFC bouts, back in the early 90's. It gives the TMA's a bad name. We get owned, but not because MMA technique is better. Quite simply, they intensity with which they train makes them outclass most TMA fighters with regards to strength, endurance, muscle/technique memory, and perseverence. If TMA students trained as hard and as long as these guys, I think there would be more balance in the matchups.
3) The average MMA guy's attitude truly sucks. I once heard a funny bit of advice, "You know the guy in the car in front of you is an A-hole if he has a "TAPOUT" sticker on his back window".
Now, there are obvious exceptions to the rule (George St. Pierre comes to mind), but by and large, you see an overwhelming number of these guys acting agressive towards others, losing their temper, and sometimes picking bar fights in an effort to test their grit. They also tend to shout as loud as they can to the world "Traditional Martial Arts suck and are worthless!" Values and Character Development is not something that is taught in the MMA's as part of the curriculum. It sometimes seems like quite the opposite.
so that's it. I hate MMA, but I sure do like to watch it.
I don't hate it for the reasons you might think. Running a traditional style martial arts school, I know that I am missing out on a pretty big demographic (males, age 18-32 ) that watch the UFC and The Ultimate Fighter. They usually have no desire to train in a traditional martial art (kung fu, karate, etc). But that's not why I hate MMA.
Why I hate MMA
1) Standing on the shoulders of giants - much of the techniques used in MMA have roots in traditional arts like Jiujitsu, Muay Thai, Boxing, Kempo, etc. Those techniques deserve respect because they have been tested, practiced, and honed for hundreds of years. The teenage kid who walks into an MMA gym will not give it any respect, or realize where it came from. They will then likely attempt to explain to me why MMA is so superior to "XYZ" style of martial arts. No respect for the heritage or history.
2) MMA makes TMA (traditional martial arts) look bad. Let's face it, the MMA crowed often gets into the ring with a kung fu, TKD, karate practicioner and owns them. Watch the first handful of UFC bouts, back in the early 90's. It gives the TMA's a bad name. We get owned, but not because MMA technique is better. Quite simply, they intensity with which they train makes them outclass most TMA fighters with regards to strength, endurance, muscle/technique memory, and perseverence. If TMA students trained as hard and as long as these guys, I think there would be more balance in the matchups.
3) The average MMA guy's attitude truly sucks. I once heard a funny bit of advice, "You know the guy in the car in front of you is an A-hole if he has a "TAPOUT" sticker on his back window".
Now, there are obvious exceptions to the rule (George St. Pierre comes to mind), but by and large, you see an overwhelming number of these guys acting agressive towards others, losing their temper, and sometimes picking bar fights in an effort to test their grit. They also tend to shout as loud as they can to the world "Traditional Martial Arts suck and are worthless!" Values and Character Development is not something that is taught in the MMA's as part of the curriculum. It sometimes seems like quite the opposite.
so that's it. I hate MMA, but I sure do like to watch it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Good advice I never listened to
When I was young, my father had this to say with regards to fighting, "Don't start fights, but if you have to fight, hit first and hit hard". Of course, I didn't follow it. Nearly every fight I got into growing up, I waited for them to punch at me, then I would block and counter. Only when I was confronted by someone with a baseball bat did I finally "get it". I never waited for him to raise the bat. I went home with a new bat that day. I think my mother still has it in her basement.
Ol' Dad has some of the best advice I can share with regards to defense. I'm not talking about scuffles on the playground or crazy Uncle Eddie getting rowdy at the family reunion. I'm talking about real predators looking to beat, mug, rape, maim, or kill you. Its not exactly PC, but then again trying to be PC while defending yourself can make the difference between walking away and being carried away.
You don't have to wait until someone throws a punch at you, pulls a knife or gun, or grabs your throat. If you wait that long, you are already losing.
Hit first, hit hard. When someone starts to raise their fist, go ahead and hit 'em. Reaching for that knife clip you noticed sticking out of their pocket? Hit 'em. Reaching for your throat? Yup, you guessed it.
For those of you who cry that it isn't fair? Life's tough. Get over it.
You have a right to protect yourself from the moment that you feel an imminent threat, i.e., raised fist, a reach for the knife. So its o.k. to hit first.
Still crying about "fighting fair"? Then you won't like this either. I strongly advocate sticking fingers in the eyes, punching throats, grabbing balls, and every other dirty trick in the book.
Remember, the goal in a true self-defense situation is not to play fair, its to be able to get back home to your family; so go ahead, shove a finger in their eye and then go home and sleep well. ; )
Ol' Dad has some of the best advice I can share with regards to defense. I'm not talking about scuffles on the playground or crazy Uncle Eddie getting rowdy at the family reunion. I'm talking about real predators looking to beat, mug, rape, maim, or kill you. Its not exactly PC, but then again trying to be PC while defending yourself can make the difference between walking away and being carried away.
You don't have to wait until someone throws a punch at you, pulls a knife or gun, or grabs your throat. If you wait that long, you are already losing.
Hit first, hit hard. When someone starts to raise their fist, go ahead and hit 'em. Reaching for that knife clip you noticed sticking out of their pocket? Hit 'em. Reaching for your throat? Yup, you guessed it.
For those of you who cry that it isn't fair? Life's tough. Get over it.
You have a right to protect yourself from the moment that you feel an imminent threat, i.e., raised fist, a reach for the knife. So its o.k. to hit first.
Still crying about "fighting fair"? Then you won't like this either. I strongly advocate sticking fingers in the eyes, punching throats, grabbing balls, and every other dirty trick in the book.
Remember, the goal in a true self-defense situation is not to play fair, its to be able to get back home to your family; so go ahead, shove a finger in their eye and then go home and sleep well. ; )
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fast Forward 10 Years (thoughts on 9/11)
It was 9:00am when the teacher in the classroom next to mine burst in the door, "Turn the T.V. on - NOW!" The confusion on my face must have been apparent. "Just do it, there's been an accident".
I turned on the T.V. to see an image that is forever burned into the minds of many people around the world. I saw the top quarter of the North tower enveloped in black smoke. At that time, nobody knew what was going on. It appeared to have been an accident, and the reporters were struggling to describe what was happening as well. My classroom was buzzing. The kids in my class were talking to each other, asking questions, a couple of boys were even laughing. I could only say "I don't know, a plane must have lost control".
About a minute or so later (9:03), I watched the second plane fly into view, and promptly slam into the South tower.
In that second or two during and after, my mind had already processed what I had seen, ran through the logical possibilities of what was happening, and just that quickly...I remember quietly uttering, "we're being attacked".
The kids got very quiet. We all watched in horror as people began jumping out of the burning tower, to what they must have known was certain death. Some of my more vocal students asked why they were jumping. I replied, "because they would rather take the risk of dieing from the fall rather than stay and burn alive". One boy, Matthew ____, laughed out loud, and said, "They'll just rebuild that building anyway". At that moment, I wanted to squeeze his neck until his head popped off. I gave him a very nasty look and said, "Matt, we are watching people die. A lot of people die." I didn't hear from him anymore that day.
I turned off the T.V. for awhile. My planning period was coming up soon, and I knew that the kids had already seen too much for them to be able to process. I think they went to their next class, P.E., at 9:27am.
I turned the T.V. back on.
Over the next hour, we heard about the plane flying into the Pentagon, and then the report of a plane going down in Pennsylvania. Soemwhere in there, I watched the towers collapse. We were under full attack. My thoughts turned inward, trying to do a quick mental scan of where all my family, friends, and relatives worked, and might any of them be in high risk area.
Today, for the first time in years, I thought about the students in that class. They would be about 21 years old now. I wonder how they think of that day. What do they remember about that time? What do they remember about me, how I acted, what I said? Did I show them too much? Do they feel the same way I do now about that day? I may never know. I can only hope that I run into one of them some day and have the courage to ask.
Maybe it will be Matt -that would be nice. I owe him an apology. I later realized that his laughing and uncaring remark was just a reaction to not being able to understand what he was seeing. Nervousness, ignorance, and fear can manifest themselves in different ways. Some people say seemingly stupid things, others stand frozen in thought...and some fly planes into buildings.
Sorry Matt.
NEVER FORGET. STAY VIGILANT.
I turned on the T.V. to see an image that is forever burned into the minds of many people around the world. I saw the top quarter of the North tower enveloped in black smoke. At that time, nobody knew what was going on. It appeared to have been an accident, and the reporters were struggling to describe what was happening as well. My classroom was buzzing. The kids in my class were talking to each other, asking questions, a couple of boys were even laughing. I could only say "I don't know, a plane must have lost control".
About a minute or so later (9:03), I watched the second plane fly into view, and promptly slam into the South tower.
In that second or two during and after, my mind had already processed what I had seen, ran through the logical possibilities of what was happening, and just that quickly...I remember quietly uttering, "we're being attacked".
The kids got very quiet. We all watched in horror as people began jumping out of the burning tower, to what they must have known was certain death. Some of my more vocal students asked why they were jumping. I replied, "because they would rather take the risk of dieing from the fall rather than stay and burn alive". One boy, Matthew ____, laughed out loud, and said, "They'll just rebuild that building anyway". At that moment, I wanted to squeeze his neck until his head popped off. I gave him a very nasty look and said, "Matt, we are watching people die. A lot of people die." I didn't hear from him anymore that day.
I turned off the T.V. for awhile. My planning period was coming up soon, and I knew that the kids had already seen too much for them to be able to process. I think they went to their next class, P.E., at 9:27am.
I turned the T.V. back on.
Over the next hour, we heard about the plane flying into the Pentagon, and then the report of a plane going down in Pennsylvania. Soemwhere in there, I watched the towers collapse. We were under full attack. My thoughts turned inward, trying to do a quick mental scan of where all my family, friends, and relatives worked, and might any of them be in high risk area.
Today, for the first time in years, I thought about the students in that class. They would be about 21 years old now. I wonder how they think of that day. What do they remember about that time? What do they remember about me, how I acted, what I said? Did I show them too much? Do they feel the same way I do now about that day? I may never know. I can only hope that I run into one of them some day and have the courage to ask.
Maybe it will be Matt -that would be nice. I owe him an apology. I later realized that his laughing and uncaring remark was just a reaction to not being able to understand what he was seeing. Nervousness, ignorance, and fear can manifest themselves in different ways. Some people say seemingly stupid things, others stand frozen in thought...and some fly planes into buildings.
Sorry Matt.
NEVER FORGET. STAY VIGILANT.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Public Education - time for a hard look
Is our educational system preparing our children for greatness or failing them miserably?
I recently listened to a story on NPR regarding our state's public schools, retention/failure rates, graduation rates, etc. During the story, our current budgetary and financial woes were brought up as reasons for some of our problems. In particular, Charlotte-Meck schools were singled out because they are cutting hundreds (or was it thousands?) of teaching, assistant, and support staff positions. Schools being closed and sold off.
I'm sure some of this is necessary, but at the same time I get really ticked off. I've seen firsthand some of the ridiculous things that school systems spend money on. Computer programs that help with reading scores that costs thousands of dollars per year to keep a license current. My very first "teaching" position was as a ComputerReading lab monitor. Not teacher. Monitor. All I did was load the program and make sure the kids sat in front of the computer. I've also frequently seen consultants hired to come do workshops - not on teaching - but rather on how to teach your kids to "beat" the EOG test. One principal I worked for spent thousands on workbooks that taught EOG test taking strategies to the kids via Overhead Sheets.
The focus becomes on teaching to the test. But then can you blame them? The teacher's salary and evaluations all hang on that test. Nevermind that we are dealing with whatever problems the child brings from home, or from a poor performance in another teacher's class the year before, or two years before.
This all disgusts me.
It has been proven time and time again that the single most important factor in the classroom/school is the teacher. Period. Want better test scores and student achievement? Hire more teachers and reduce your class teacher-student ratios. Get rid of the ridiculous things that we spend money on to try and slap a band-aid on the problem. Instead, we cutting teaching positions and cramming more kids in each classroom. I can guarantee you that just as much time will be spent managing behavior as teaching.
Administrators will tell you that they can't spend that money on teaching positions because its been "earmarked" by the state as other types of funds that have to be used for technology standards, remediation, or whatever. I've heard it all before. Just a bunch of excuses. We are in a budget crisis, right? Change the darn earmarks - or better yet, remove them altogether. Allow the local governments and admins the power to allocate funds as they see fit.
Remove the excuse. Then demand results.
I recently listened to a story on NPR regarding our state's public schools, retention/failure rates, graduation rates, etc. During the story, our current budgetary and financial woes were brought up as reasons for some of our problems. In particular, Charlotte-Meck schools were singled out because they are cutting hundreds (or was it thousands?) of teaching, assistant, and support staff positions. Schools being closed and sold off.
I'm sure some of this is necessary, but at the same time I get really ticked off. I've seen firsthand some of the ridiculous things that school systems spend money on. Computer programs that help with reading scores that costs thousands of dollars per year to keep a license current. My very first "teaching" position was as a ComputerReading lab monitor. Not teacher. Monitor. All I did was load the program and make sure the kids sat in front of the computer. I've also frequently seen consultants hired to come do workshops - not on teaching - but rather on how to teach your kids to "beat" the EOG test. One principal I worked for spent thousands on workbooks that taught EOG test taking strategies to the kids via Overhead Sheets.
The focus becomes on teaching to the test. But then can you blame them? The teacher's salary and evaluations all hang on that test. Nevermind that we are dealing with whatever problems the child brings from home, or from a poor performance in another teacher's class the year before, or two years before.
This all disgusts me.
It has been proven time and time again that the single most important factor in the classroom/school is the teacher. Period. Want better test scores and student achievement? Hire more teachers and reduce your class teacher-student ratios. Get rid of the ridiculous things that we spend money on to try and slap a band-aid on the problem. Instead, we cutting teaching positions and cramming more kids in each classroom. I can guarantee you that just as much time will be spent managing behavior as teaching.
Administrators will tell you that they can't spend that money on teaching positions because its been "earmarked" by the state as other types of funds that have to be used for technology standards, remediation, or whatever. I've heard it all before. Just a bunch of excuses. We are in a budget crisis, right? Change the darn earmarks - or better yet, remove them altogether. Allow the local governments and admins the power to allocate funds as they see fit.
Remove the excuse. Then demand results.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sizzle? or Steak?
Which would you rather have? The steak or the sizzle? Flashy, showy, fancy martial arts or direct, effective, no-nonsense approach to training?
For a couple of years, I worked with a pretty large headwear company. They made ball caps and other hats. They were of pretty decent quality, but they spent a fortune on their packaging. Very thick corrugated cardboard, printed in multiple colors (gets pretty expensive for a box), nice tags, etc. The owner of the company was quoted as saying "We don't sell the steak, we sell the sizzle!" (its why I just can't work in sales)
I've studied quite a few martial arts styles over the years. Some were very flashy, to the point of causing me concern. I mean really, do you want to have a student go out and try to defend themselves with technique that has absolutely no chance of working unless you have a willing partner? You may as well send them to slaughter. Another style was a simple "combat" style, which was absolutely no-nonsense. Techniques were simple, and were repeated over and over. Honestly, it was kind of boring. I mean, how many times can you practice a palm strike to the face and groin before its time to move on?
People typically seek out Traditional Martial Arts like Kung Fu, Karate, TKD, etc., because they are interested in the expressive aspects of the style, as well as the self-defense. There is a satisfaction to be had by performing forms and sets that have been done for hundreds of years. There is also the need to express one's self, which can be found by performing and through training. Pulling off some of the flashy moves just feels good. I admit it. It looks cool.
At Corey Family Martial Arts, I feel there needs to be a balance in training. I will teach the traditional aspects, but also focus on self-defense...and once in awhile I'll through in some flashy moves. What is important is to distinguish between what is solid technique and what is "sizzle". My favorite teacher shows such techniques and then makes a point to identify it as "Hollywood". So, we know what is done for real fighting and defense, and what is just sizzle.
Come on down and train. Have a nice big helping of steak, with just a little bit of sizzle.
For a couple of years, I worked with a pretty large headwear company. They made ball caps and other hats. They were of pretty decent quality, but they spent a fortune on their packaging. Very thick corrugated cardboard, printed in multiple colors (gets pretty expensive for a box), nice tags, etc. The owner of the company was quoted as saying "We don't sell the steak, we sell the sizzle!" (its why I just can't work in sales)
I've studied quite a few martial arts styles over the years. Some were very flashy, to the point of causing me concern. I mean really, do you want to have a student go out and try to defend themselves with technique that has absolutely no chance of working unless you have a willing partner? You may as well send them to slaughter. Another style was a simple "combat" style, which was absolutely no-nonsense. Techniques were simple, and were repeated over and over. Honestly, it was kind of boring. I mean, how many times can you practice a palm strike to the face and groin before its time to move on?
People typically seek out Traditional Martial Arts like Kung Fu, Karate, TKD, etc., because they are interested in the expressive aspects of the style, as well as the self-defense. There is a satisfaction to be had by performing forms and sets that have been done for hundreds of years. There is also the need to express one's self, which can be found by performing and through training. Pulling off some of the flashy moves just feels good. I admit it. It looks cool.
At Corey Family Martial Arts, I feel there needs to be a balance in training. I will teach the traditional aspects, but also focus on self-defense...and once in awhile I'll through in some flashy moves. What is important is to distinguish between what is solid technique and what is "sizzle". My favorite teacher shows such techniques and then makes a point to identify it as "Hollywood". So, we know what is done for real fighting and defense, and what is just sizzle.
Come on down and train. Have a nice big helping of steak, with just a little bit of sizzle.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
When can I test, Sifu?
I get asked this question on occasion, by students and parents of students. I recently had a student ask that has only been taking kung fu classes for 1 month. They explained to me that they had a _____ belt at their last school in only 6 months. I have to say that my reply isn't usually what they are looking for.
I'd love to say, "Wow!, Your technique is so sharp, let's test tomorrow!". But I won't. Its just not true.
Instead, I have to gently explain that I don't test students for sash promotions until they are ready. Students won't fail a sash test with me because I won't let them test until I know that they understand the requirements and can show a suitable level of mastery of those skills.
Now, let me explain why your child, who has been training for several months, still isn't ready for their first sash. Remember, I'm speaking in generalities...
1. No emphasis on technique. If your child performs the forms and training exercises without any intensity whatsoever, then they aren't ready. You can't just go through the motions. To quote one of my favorite martial arts stars...."You need emotional content". If you don't know what I'm talking about please check out this clip from Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon".
2. Still struggling to remember our basic curriculum material? Not ready. The truth is that 2 classes a week is not enough to make advancements in rank that fast. You get out of your training what you put in. Your child needs to practice their requirements at home once in awhile. Its just like learning to play piano, guitar, or learn another language - you have to practice.
The bottom line is this. I don't run a "McDojo".(google it) I don't give out rank advancements just so that we can have a case of the warm fuzzies. Rank must be earned, not given as a gift. If I tell you its time to test for rank, its actually because you have shown me that you already are performing at that level - now its just time to show off what you know. The test is more like a demonstration.
Now go practice.
I'd love to say, "Wow!, Your technique is so sharp, let's test tomorrow!". But I won't. Its just not true.
Instead, I have to gently explain that I don't test students for sash promotions until they are ready. Students won't fail a sash test with me because I won't let them test until I know that they understand the requirements and can show a suitable level of mastery of those skills.
Now, let me explain why your child, who has been training for several months, still isn't ready for their first sash. Remember, I'm speaking in generalities...
1. No emphasis on technique. If your child performs the forms and training exercises without any intensity whatsoever, then they aren't ready. You can't just go through the motions. To quote one of my favorite martial arts stars...."You need emotional content". If you don't know what I'm talking about please check out this clip from Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon".
2. Still struggling to remember our basic curriculum material? Not ready. The truth is that 2 classes a week is not enough to make advancements in rank that fast. You get out of your training what you put in. Your child needs to practice their requirements at home once in awhile. Its just like learning to play piano, guitar, or learn another language - you have to practice.
The bottom line is this. I don't run a "McDojo".(google it) I don't give out rank advancements just so that we can have a case of the warm fuzzies. Rank must be earned, not given as a gift. If I tell you its time to test for rank, its actually because you have shown me that you already are performing at that level - now its just time to show off what you know. The test is more like a demonstration.
Now go practice.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Advice for Parents of a Bullied Child
When I was in 6th grade, I had a few issues with bullies. I didn't share much with my parents, so I dealt with it. Silently. I already knew how my father felt about bullies. They needed taken down a notch. I was expected to stand up for myself and deal with it. If need be, I had prior permission to take things up a notch and strike if I felt cornered.
Now, 25+ years later, I am a father myself. I want my son to be strong. I want him to be confident. I want him to be able to defend himself.
But sometimes, I think its o.k. for Daddy to step in. Bullying is one of those things where I will be ready to step in. Our children are exposed to much more than we were as kids. There are even creative new ways to be a bully, like cyberbullying. Despite all the attention that bullying has received lately from the press, the White House, and legislators, there is still not enough being done to handle the problem. Just making everyone aware of how bad bullying can be is not enough. You want change? Be prepared to fight for it.
Here's a few suggestions that may help, based on my experiences as the bullied, and as a classroom teacher.
1. Don't assume your child will tell you much, or any of what is going on at school. Watch for the signs of bullying. They tend to be the same signs they tell you are signs of drug use. Acting withdrawn, mood swings, decline in grades, and other big changes in behavior.
2. If you have identified that your child is being bullied, its time to act. First thing, do some recon. Talk to your child and at least try and find out who is doing the bullying and where it is happening. If they just won't tell you, don't give up. Make a phone call to the parents of one of his/her close friends. They may be able to get some basic details of what is going on.
3. Go in and talk to your child's teachers and an administrator. Do this NOW. Tell them it can't wait. Let them know that you are concerned about your child's safety and change in behavior. Allow the teachers to respond and LISTEN to them. They may have some insight about what is going on, and what role, if any, your child is playing in the problem. THEN, tell them what you expect to see happen. If bullying is happening in the halls or bathroom, tell them you expect more supervision. (often, teachers hang out in their rooms inbetween class changes). If it is happening during a class, (and yes it does - bullying can be very subtle) let them know you expect an immediate seat change. If it is on the bus, you want your child in a seat near the driver. Get the idea? ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD.
ON THAT NOTE: Make sure your expectations revolve around your own child. If you go in for the conference and do nothing but gripe about the bully, not much will get done. Let the administrator know you expect to see the bully disciplined according to the code of conduct for the school. Most important is to lay out the changes you expect to see that are going to improve the quality of life for your child.
4. BE AWARE OF YOUR RIGHTS. Your child has a right to a safe, secure learning environment. If your child is being bullied, and it is affecting their education, then it is BREAKING THE LAW. See here, http://www.bullypolice.org/NC_law2009.pdf and look at the definition of bullying. In a court of law, it would not be a tough argument to say that a bullied child is being subjected to a hostile environment that affects their educational opportunities and performance. School systems have been successfully sued on much more ambiguous policies. The Bully Law is pretty clear. Familiarize yourself with this document.
If, during a conference with an administrator, they make the mistake of telling you that they know the bully is a problem, but that they cannot make any changes, they have just hung themselves with their own rope. I have had 2 seperate administrators at 2 different schools warn the entire teaching staff against making such comments. They know that it effectively makes them liable and responsible for paying for your child's education in a private setting, if they can't provide a safe learning environment in the public setting, and verbalize the idea. I'm sure they'd like to string me up by my toes for telling you this, but when it comes to your children, its o.k. to fight dirty. Be sure to document everything. If something like this happens, consult an attorney. Have them draft a letter to your child's administrator, making sure to cc: the superintendent, yourself, and anyone else your attorney deems appropriate. Nothing gets a bureaucrat moving like the threat of being sued.
5. If the Bullying involves physical intimidation, hitting, pushing, or any other type of assault - consider filing a report with the police. Even if the police do not go and speak with the parents of the bully, you will have started a paper trail that will be seen in court, if it ever goes that far. However, with the amount of attention that bullying has received lately, many police departments are giving it more serious thought. Even if the schools are not making any progress, you may be able to use the police and the judicial system to get things done.
6. DO NOT GIVE UP. DON'T LET UP. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. BE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE. This is your child. Bullying can affect their confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and overall happiness for years to come. It could make the difference in whether your child grows up to be a well-adjusted, happy, productive adult or a depressed, underperforming, unhappy adult. Don't feel bad that your taking an aggressive role in this fight. Don't let other people tell you things like "aw, maybe the bully is really unhappy and has a bad home life". This is your kid. Someone else is making their life miserable. We cannot let someone drag your child down into misery so that they will have company. Fixing the issues with the bully's life is another issue that needs addressed - by someone else - not you. Don't let it overshadow the rights of your child.
more to come...
Now, 25+ years later, I am a father myself. I want my son to be strong. I want him to be confident. I want him to be able to defend himself.
But sometimes, I think its o.k. for Daddy to step in. Bullying is one of those things where I will be ready to step in. Our children are exposed to much more than we were as kids. There are even creative new ways to be a bully, like cyberbullying. Despite all the attention that bullying has received lately from the press, the White House, and legislators, there is still not enough being done to handle the problem. Just making everyone aware of how bad bullying can be is not enough. You want change? Be prepared to fight for it.
Here's a few suggestions that may help, based on my experiences as the bullied, and as a classroom teacher.
1. Don't assume your child will tell you much, or any of what is going on at school. Watch for the signs of bullying. They tend to be the same signs they tell you are signs of drug use. Acting withdrawn, mood swings, decline in grades, and other big changes in behavior.
2. If you have identified that your child is being bullied, its time to act. First thing, do some recon. Talk to your child and at least try and find out who is doing the bullying and where it is happening. If they just won't tell you, don't give up. Make a phone call to the parents of one of his/her close friends. They may be able to get some basic details of what is going on.
3. Go in and talk to your child's teachers and an administrator. Do this NOW. Tell them it can't wait. Let them know that you are concerned about your child's safety and change in behavior. Allow the teachers to respond and LISTEN to them. They may have some insight about what is going on, and what role, if any, your child is playing in the problem. THEN, tell them what you expect to see happen. If bullying is happening in the halls or bathroom, tell them you expect more supervision. (often, teachers hang out in their rooms inbetween class changes). If it is happening during a class, (and yes it does - bullying can be very subtle) let them know you expect an immediate seat change. If it is on the bus, you want your child in a seat near the driver. Get the idea? ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD.
ON THAT NOTE: Make sure your expectations revolve around your own child. If you go in for the conference and do nothing but gripe about the bully, not much will get done. Let the administrator know you expect to see the bully disciplined according to the code of conduct for the school. Most important is to lay out the changes you expect to see that are going to improve the quality of life for your child.
4. BE AWARE OF YOUR RIGHTS. Your child has a right to a safe, secure learning environment. If your child is being bullied, and it is affecting their education, then it is BREAKING THE LAW. See here, http://www.bullypolice.org/NC_law2009.pdf and look at the definition of bullying. In a court of law, it would not be a tough argument to say that a bullied child is being subjected to a hostile environment that affects their educational opportunities and performance. School systems have been successfully sued on much more ambiguous policies. The Bully Law is pretty clear. Familiarize yourself with this document.
If, during a conference with an administrator, they make the mistake of telling you that they know the bully is a problem, but that they cannot make any changes, they have just hung themselves with their own rope. I have had 2 seperate administrators at 2 different schools warn the entire teaching staff against making such comments. They know that it effectively makes them liable and responsible for paying for your child's education in a private setting, if they can't provide a safe learning environment in the public setting, and verbalize the idea. I'm sure they'd like to string me up by my toes for telling you this, but when it comes to your children, its o.k. to fight dirty. Be sure to document everything. If something like this happens, consult an attorney. Have them draft a letter to your child's administrator, making sure to cc: the superintendent, yourself, and anyone else your attorney deems appropriate. Nothing gets a bureaucrat moving like the threat of being sued.
5. If the Bullying involves physical intimidation, hitting, pushing, or any other type of assault - consider filing a report with the police. Even if the police do not go and speak with the parents of the bully, you will have started a paper trail that will be seen in court, if it ever goes that far. However, with the amount of attention that bullying has received lately, many police departments are giving it more serious thought. Even if the schools are not making any progress, you may be able to use the police and the judicial system to get things done.
6. DO NOT GIVE UP. DON'T LET UP. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. BE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE. This is your child. Bullying can affect their confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and overall happiness for years to come. It could make the difference in whether your child grows up to be a well-adjusted, happy, productive adult or a depressed, underperforming, unhappy adult. Don't feel bad that your taking an aggressive role in this fight. Don't let other people tell you things like "aw, maybe the bully is really unhappy and has a bad home life". This is your kid. Someone else is making their life miserable. We cannot let someone drag your child down into misery so that they will have company. Fixing the issues with the bully's life is another issue that needs addressed - by someone else - not you. Don't let it overshadow the rights of your child.
more to come...
Friday, March 4, 2011
A good cause
I can verify that this is legit. The people holding this iPad2 giveaway are good friends of mine. They are attempting to adopt a little boy from the Ukraine. They are taking on a very big task, as if adopting a child isn't enough, this little boy, Danil, has Down's Syndrome as well. Consider making a donation and getting added to the iPad2 drawing.
http://addingtothemaddness.blogspot.com/2011/03/madd-ipad2-giveaway.html
http://addingtothemaddness.blogspot.com/2011/03/madd-ipad2-giveaway.html
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Talking 'bout My Generation
I have been slowly coming to the conclusion that many of this generation's young people are not able to distinguish between being uncomfortable and being in pain. Perhaps they haven't experienced both?
One of my mantras during Kung Fu practice is to repeatedly remind students to have a tight fist and a low stance. Sounds simple, right? Yet, I have to remind them of it often.
When I remind someone to drop their stance lower, because their knees are locked out and straight after only a few seconds, I sometimes hear "but it hurts". Lately, I have been responding with, "No. You are uncomfortable. There is a big difference". I worry that maybe our kids have it so good that they don't know the difference. Haven't you had to persevere through something before to accomplish a task?
One of the core values that this country was founded on was to work hard and try and make things better for the next generation (your children). We may have reached the apex. Our children are largely spoon fed information in school, given rewards for mediocre things in the interest of self-esteem, and given high dollar items for gifts (iphones, playstations, computers, etc). Our children probably have it easier than any other generation in our history.
HOWEVER, I have seen children as young as 11 using drugs and/or alcohol. I once had a 6th grade student arrested for stealing.... a police radio out of a patrol cruiser. Seen the reports on teen pregnancy lately? How about the groups of girls who make pacts to all get pregnant? Kids are mutilating themselves out of boredom and the addiction to the rush they receive. We have more diagnosed cases of ADD/ADHD than ever, as well as other behavioral disorders. School psychologists are backlogged with cases that they can never get to. Depression. Defiance. Anxiety. Kids these days are as unhappy as ever.
WHY?
I would like to suggest that the reason may be that they feel unfulfilled. How satisfied can you really be unless you earn something you want? or create something you can be proud of? or look at a job well done and feel proud of what you just accomplished? We weren't meant to have everything handed to us on a platter. Whether you cling to Christian morals or think we evolved from primoridal soup. God wants us to work and persevere as part of our spiritual journey. If evolution is your thing, than I ask, does our body structure, brain processes, etc, suggest that we should be sessile beings? Nope. We were meant to work, to run, to jump, to build, to create, to experiment, to investigate.
Martial Arts is one such way for children to EARN their sense of self-fulfillment and accomplishment. The reward is in doing the activity itself. Watch a child's face the first time they learn how to block a punch, evade an attack, or perform a throw. No toy, iphone or xbox needed. The accomplishment of the challenge is the reward itself. This moment of success is motivating. That motivation leads to future moments of success, both in and out of the training hall.
By the way, remember this song? if you're one of my students, likely not. If you're one of my teachers, probably so. Talking 'bout My Generation was performed by The Who.
One of my mantras during Kung Fu practice is to repeatedly remind students to have a tight fist and a low stance. Sounds simple, right? Yet, I have to remind them of it often.
When I remind someone to drop their stance lower, because their knees are locked out and straight after only a few seconds, I sometimes hear "but it hurts". Lately, I have been responding with, "No. You are uncomfortable. There is a big difference". I worry that maybe our kids have it so good that they don't know the difference. Haven't you had to persevere through something before to accomplish a task?
One of the core values that this country was founded on was to work hard and try and make things better for the next generation (your children). We may have reached the apex. Our children are largely spoon fed information in school, given rewards for mediocre things in the interest of self-esteem, and given high dollar items for gifts (iphones, playstations, computers, etc). Our children probably have it easier than any other generation in our history.
HOWEVER, I have seen children as young as 11 using drugs and/or alcohol. I once had a 6th grade student arrested for stealing.... a police radio out of a patrol cruiser. Seen the reports on teen pregnancy lately? How about the groups of girls who make pacts to all get pregnant? Kids are mutilating themselves out of boredom and the addiction to the rush they receive. We have more diagnosed cases of ADD/ADHD than ever, as well as other behavioral disorders. School psychologists are backlogged with cases that they can never get to. Depression. Defiance. Anxiety. Kids these days are as unhappy as ever.
WHY?
I would like to suggest that the reason may be that they feel unfulfilled. How satisfied can you really be unless you earn something you want? or create something you can be proud of? or look at a job well done and feel proud of what you just accomplished? We weren't meant to have everything handed to us on a platter. Whether you cling to Christian morals or think we evolved from primoridal soup. God wants us to work and persevere as part of our spiritual journey. If evolution is your thing, than I ask, does our body structure, brain processes, etc, suggest that we should be sessile beings? Nope. We were meant to work, to run, to jump, to build, to create, to experiment, to investigate.
Martial Arts is one such way for children to EARN their sense of self-fulfillment and accomplishment. The reward is in doing the activity itself. Watch a child's face the first time they learn how to block a punch, evade an attack, or perform a throw. No toy, iphone or xbox needed. The accomplishment of the challenge is the reward itself. This moment of success is motivating. That motivation leads to future moments of success, both in and out of the training hall.
By the way, remember this song? if you're one of my students, likely not. If you're one of my teachers, probably so. Talking 'bout My Generation was performed by The Who.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thoughts on independence and the world police
I typically try to steer away from conversations that are political in nature. These days it seems that nearly everyone I know is polarized to either be a head-in-the-sand-obama-is-the-antichrist republican or a bleeding-heart-let's-give-away-our-assets-and-country-so-everyone-can-have-the-warm-fuzzies democrat. Me? I'm an independent. Sometimes I vote democrat, sometimes I vote republican. But that's besides the point.
I have held a belief for some time now that no matter how much we try to install a democratic government somewhere, that if the native people didn't have to fight and die for it, it probably won't take. Apathy will prevail, corruption will prevail, the status quo will prevail. Over the past week, I have watched as the people of Egypt have launched what we will probably one day call a revolution to oust their current leader. Mubarak has been in charge for 30 years. Our country has supported him because he helps keep the region "stable". However, the people have had enough of the corruption and brutality. Despite laws forbidding their street marches and protests, they buck the system. Blood has been shed. Several protesters have been killed at the hands of the police, many have been beaten and jailed. They may never see the light of day again. They have sacrificed their blood in the fight for justice and an end to tyranny. If they succeed, and Mubarak steps down, I believe that Egypt will be forever changed - like us. Just try and take their independence back from them. Better be ready for a hell of a fight.
Now look at Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq we toppled the evil dictator who suppressed his people and committed genocide. We set up an interim government and then implemented democratic elections. We continue to see our soldiers die as they attempt to drive out insurgents in both countries. In the meantime, what do we get from their installed governments? Corruption, apathy and a lack of a real attempt to take charge of their own country and deal with the problems themselves. If we left tomorrow? They would probably see another dictator take over and the beginning of a new regime. I don't think this new independence is valued the same as it would be if they were standing right beside us; working, fighting, and dying.
Although our forefathers fought and bled for our independence over 200 years ago, the IDEA of their sacrifice is still present in the American culture. If anyone ever takes over our country, it won't be by force. Every man, woman, and child would likely take up arms and fight. We are a country of fighters. We have more firearms per capita than any other country in the world. Why? Simple. Because we can. Its our right to, and men have died to protect that right. In fact, it may well be an obligation to own a firearm to protect ourselves from an unjust government. Its what our country's founders believed. But no, if the United States ever changes to a monarchy/dictatorship/Islamic republic, it will likely be a very gradual process. A gradual fleecing of us all.
I have held a belief for some time now that no matter how much we try to install a democratic government somewhere, that if the native people didn't have to fight and die for it, it probably won't take. Apathy will prevail, corruption will prevail, the status quo will prevail. Over the past week, I have watched as the people of Egypt have launched what we will probably one day call a revolution to oust their current leader. Mubarak has been in charge for 30 years. Our country has supported him because he helps keep the region "stable". However, the people have had enough of the corruption and brutality. Despite laws forbidding their street marches and protests, they buck the system. Blood has been shed. Several protesters have been killed at the hands of the police, many have been beaten and jailed. They may never see the light of day again. They have sacrificed their blood in the fight for justice and an end to tyranny. If they succeed, and Mubarak steps down, I believe that Egypt will be forever changed - like us. Just try and take their independence back from them. Better be ready for a hell of a fight.
Now look at Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq we toppled the evil dictator who suppressed his people and committed genocide. We set up an interim government and then implemented democratic elections. We continue to see our soldiers die as they attempt to drive out insurgents in both countries. In the meantime, what do we get from their installed governments? Corruption, apathy and a lack of a real attempt to take charge of their own country and deal with the problems themselves. If we left tomorrow? They would probably see another dictator take over and the beginning of a new regime. I don't think this new independence is valued the same as it would be if they were standing right beside us; working, fighting, and dying.
Although our forefathers fought and bled for our independence over 200 years ago, the IDEA of their sacrifice is still present in the American culture. If anyone ever takes over our country, it won't be by force. Every man, woman, and child would likely take up arms and fight. We are a country of fighters. We have more firearms per capita than any other country in the world. Why? Simple. Because we can. Its our right to, and men have died to protect that right. In fact, it may well be an obligation to own a firearm to protect ourselves from an unjust government. Its what our country's founders believed. But no, if the United States ever changes to a monarchy/dictatorship/Islamic republic, it will likely be a very gradual process. A gradual fleecing of us all.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Ages 5 and up, please
I frequently receive calls from mothers and fathers looking to enroll their child in martial arts class. I always respond with the phrase, "tell me about your child". One of the things I am trying to find out is the child's age. As a matter of practice, I don't accept children under the age of 5. In the past, I have done a 2 lesson evaluation trial with a few 4 yr olds, but I often have to tell them to come back in about a year. When explaining this over the phone, the question is always WHY?
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
First off, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of parents who are looking to get their child involved in such a rewarding activity. However, as a parent, I must also say that you shouldn't be in a rush to become a soccer mom/dad, carting children around to multiple activities and sports. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, spend the time with your child, instilling the habits and values that you wish them to display when they are NOT being supervised by you. These years will pass by very quickly.
Now, as to the reason why I don't accept children under the age of 5. Its simply a matter of development. Children below the ages of 5 generally have the following characteristics:
* becoming adept at motor skills
*some controlled starts and stops in motor movements
*will still have some tantrums
*language is still simplistic
*beginning to understand connection between language and actions, things
*does not readily communicate with peers, as compared to parents
*cannot estimate their own abilities accurately and may try dangerous tricks
*often impatient, and silly
*will change the rules to games while in the middle of play to satisfy need to win
Generally speaking, a child under the age is not yet able to focus for very long on the techniques and direction that is required of martial arts. Also, they may be resistant to taking the direction, and instead be interested in doing Kung Fu "on their own terms" which cannot be allowed when the focus of the class is respect and self-discipline. In addition, they may or may not be able to physically perform some of the techniques asked of them.
Between the ages of 5 and 7, a child can expect to see the following developmental milestones:
*able to perform fine motor skills (such as using a writing instrument correctly)
*be able to perform a series of motions in order to do a more complicated motor activity (like martial arts)
*develop more visual-motor coordination
*understands the rules of conversation and is able to talk and listen
*beginnings of being able to estimate own abilities
In short, a child that is at least 5 yrs old is mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to accept and meet the demands that is required of training in our martial arts program. There are always exceptions to the rule, which is why I always offer a free 2 lesson trial to all students. In 2 lessons I can tell whether the child is ready to perform what is asked, and if the child truly wants to be at our school.
best to all,
Sifu Brian
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Would you like fries with that?
Had a few phone calls lately that have gone something like this...
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
"How much are your classes and what time are they?"
Me: "Well, depending on what type of program you are looking for they can range from..... "
"What time?" (said impatiently)
Me: "Tell me about your child, starting with age and I can tell you which class times are available."
"He's Seven"
Me: "O.K. you can either bring him to a Mon/Wed class at ..... or a Tues/Thurs. class at ......"
"Don't you have anything else?" (in a whining tone)
Me: "No, ma'am. These are the available times. Is there a reason why you would have trouble making it at any of these times?"
"I just wanted something later in the evening - it would be more convenient."
The call ended shortly after. All I can think to comment is...
I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry that you called and the only thing you were concerned about was the price and time. I'm sorry that you didn't ask about the program or my credentials. I'm also sorry that you seem to think that martial arts is just something for your child to do while you shop/have nails done/have alone time. I'm sorry that although you are available, that my class schedule isn't as convenient for you as you like. I'm sorry that I don't accommodate every single request that every single parent or customer has. I'm VERY sorry that you don't seem to understand that the martial arts isn't about doing whatever you want. In fact, its more about doing things that are sometimes tough, but that help you grow - mentally and physically. I'm sorry that you have become so accustomed to having everything "your way". Hmmm...like Burger King. So I guess all I have left to say is....
Would you like fries with that?
Monday, November 8, 2010
ADHD - Learning Disability or Situational Mismatch?
Over the years I have taught a multitude of students with this...label. ADHD. ADD. As a young teacher, I drank from the company Kool-Aid and accepted that this was a learning disability. Some students were born with it, others develop it through their environment (nature vs. nurture). It became a topic that teachers would talk about in hushed voices beyond the reach of students' ears. "Little Ronnie Runamuck is sooooo hyper today. I wish they would put him on some meds already." And me? Guilty as charged also. Having an 11 year old boy that can't sit still, won't listen to directions, and is constantly tapping, talking, or prodding at other students can be devestating to a teacher's classroom management. I too, wished lil Ronnie's mother would finally take her son to the doctor and have him evaluated. Medicate that kid. Calm him down. I need some peace and quiet and my classroom back.
Now? I've had some time to marinate with this idea. Perhaps the problem isn't that lil Ronnie has a learning disability, but that our traditional model of schools isn't equipped or designed to deal with kids who are so kinesthetic. Would these children excel if they were in a charter or private school that was designed to allow kids to get up, move around, and learn in a way that fit them? The Montessori movement was designed to address this need, but primarily for elementary students. Think about it. Are we medicating them because they have a learning disability and CAN'T LEARN or because THEY CAN'T LEARN IN OUR CURRENT SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT? If the answer is the latter, should we really be medicating them to make them fit this mold? Is it a biological problem or a logistical problem?
Some of our best business leaders are walking posterboys for adult ADHD. They change gears and multitask constantly; holding conferences, making snap decisions, and quickly analyzing information. Try to hold a steady, focused conversation for more than 5 minutes though and you'll see what I mean. For them, their learning style is an asset. It actually gives them an edge over the rest of us in that environment. In school, their learning style was a disability, in the "real world" its their edge. So was it ever a disability to begin with?
Now? I've had some time to marinate with this idea. Perhaps the problem isn't that lil Ronnie has a learning disability, but that our traditional model of schools isn't equipped or designed to deal with kids who are so kinesthetic. Would these children excel if they were in a charter or private school that was designed to allow kids to get up, move around, and learn in a way that fit them? The Montessori movement was designed to address this need, but primarily for elementary students. Think about it. Are we medicating them because they have a learning disability and CAN'T LEARN or because THEY CAN'T LEARN IN OUR CURRENT SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT? If the answer is the latter, should we really be medicating them to make them fit this mold? Is it a biological problem or a logistical problem?
Some of our best business leaders are walking posterboys for adult ADHD. They change gears and multitask constantly; holding conferences, making snap decisions, and quickly analyzing information. Try to hold a steady, focused conversation for more than 5 minutes though and you'll see what I mean. For them, their learning style is an asset. It actually gives them an edge over the rest of us in that environment. In school, their learning style was a disability, in the "real world" its their edge. So was it ever a disability to begin with?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Bully Can Come in All Shapes and Sizes
When asked to describe a bully, most people describe them as "often bigger than other kids, have low self-esteem, often were bullied themselves, constantly carry a foul attitude". This stereotype is even the first offered up from school age children as well. However, if you dig a little more, and ask the right questions, you find that they describe bullying behavior coming from all types. Girls. Boys. Short. Tall. Overweight. Scrawny. Aggressive. Passive Agressive.
Actually, recent studies have shown that bullies are often confident to the point of arrogance. Sometimes engaging in the bullying behavior for amusement or to flex their social muscle and exert dominance. Sometimes the bullying is driven by more sinister attitudes, like racism, sexism, or other discriminations. It can be as simple as excluding someone out from activities because they aren't wearing the right brand of clothes.
The truth is, in order to put a stop to bullying, we have to stop working off of old ideas. Bullies are children. Our children. Sometimes the bully becomes the victim. Sometimes your nice, compassionate straight A student can have a day where they make wrong decisions and participate in bullying behavior. The lines aren't so clear cut. Children who chronically participate in bullying can have moments of compassion and understanding. Sometimes even the victims make wrong decisions that taunt or even encourage a bully so that they can receive some type of attention (negative attention can be better than none sometimes). We can't simply say that one child is a bully, and this one is not and then work off of those labels. Instead, we have to teach kids what bullying behavior is, how to break the pattern if they are engaging in it, and how to deal with it if they are a victim or a bystander.
Actually, recent studies have shown that bullies are often confident to the point of arrogance. Sometimes engaging in the bullying behavior for amusement or to flex their social muscle and exert dominance. Sometimes the bullying is driven by more sinister attitudes, like racism, sexism, or other discriminations. It can be as simple as excluding someone out from activities because they aren't wearing the right brand of clothes.
The truth is, in order to put a stop to bullying, we have to stop working off of old ideas. Bullies are children. Our children. Sometimes the bully becomes the victim. Sometimes your nice, compassionate straight A student can have a day where they make wrong decisions and participate in bullying behavior. The lines aren't so clear cut. Children who chronically participate in bullying can have moments of compassion and understanding. Sometimes even the victims make wrong decisions that taunt or even encourage a bully so that they can receive some type of attention (negative attention can be better than none sometimes). We can't simply say that one child is a bully, and this one is not and then work off of those labels. Instead, we have to teach kids what bullying behavior is, how to break the pattern if they are engaging in it, and how to deal with it if they are a victim or a bystander.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
ZERO TOLERANCE = ZERO THINKING??
As you may have noticed by now, the bullying epidemic is something that I have strong opinions of. Here's my latest rant...
Public Schools have a Zero Tolerance policy regarding fighting. This means that when there is a physical altercation in a public school, both parties are given the same punishment, regardless of ANY extenuating circumstances. I'm sure that the policy sounded good to the legal departments of our nation's public schools. Having a flat, one-size-fits-all policy means less chance of having to defend a lawsuit by a parent saying that their child was given a different punishment for the same offense. This also makes it easy for a school principal to say "I'm sorry ma'am/sir, that is our policy, and I'm not allowed to deviate from it". It gives the school admin an easy out, and takes all thinking out of the situation. How do I know this? I've watched these scenarios play out over and over during teaching experience. I've sat in on countless parent-teacher-admin conferences, and seen the pain in parents' faces as they try an advocate for their child who is being bullied at school. I've listened to the responses by fellow teachers and admins, and even remember feeling powerless to help these kids.
The problem, as I'm sure you can guess, is that situations in life are not black & white. The Zero Tolerance policy tries to make it that way. There is absolutely no allowance for self-defense. If you defend yourself, you get expelled. Period. If you tried to defend yourself, you were wrong for not "running away" or going to tell a teacher. However, this doesn't account for being cornered, such as in a school restroom (where many fights take place). So, if this is the message we are sending to our children, then what do we expect them to do when they are physically bullied by another student? If our children fear defending themselves, they empower those who would do them harm for their own amusement.
Now, I'm not advocating telling students to perform eye gouges, fish hooks, and haymaker punches to get out of a situation. There are several less harming techniques that can be used to get out of a situation and protect yourself. We teach these as part of our martial arts curriculum at CFMA. I am in favor of allowing a school administrator to use some good judgement to determine if there was a need for self-defense. However, until our lawmakers and state school admins recognize that this has to be changed, each parent has to make a decision of what to tell their child. Their are risks/rewards to be considered. As for me, I'm going to echo the words of my father who said "Son, don't fight if you don't have to, but if you are cornered and have to fight and then get in trouble, I'll support you".
Public Schools have a Zero Tolerance policy regarding fighting. This means that when there is a physical altercation in a public school, both parties are given the same punishment, regardless of ANY extenuating circumstances. I'm sure that the policy sounded good to the legal departments of our nation's public schools. Having a flat, one-size-fits-all policy means less chance of having to defend a lawsuit by a parent saying that their child was given a different punishment for the same offense. This also makes it easy for a school principal to say "I'm sorry ma'am/sir, that is our policy, and I'm not allowed to deviate from it". It gives the school admin an easy out, and takes all thinking out of the situation. How do I know this? I've watched these scenarios play out over and over during teaching experience. I've sat in on countless parent-teacher-admin conferences, and seen the pain in parents' faces as they try an advocate for their child who is being bullied at school. I've listened to the responses by fellow teachers and admins, and even remember feeling powerless to help these kids.
The problem, as I'm sure you can guess, is that situations in life are not black & white. The Zero Tolerance policy tries to make it that way. There is absolutely no allowance for self-defense. If you defend yourself, you get expelled. Period. If you tried to defend yourself, you were wrong for not "running away" or going to tell a teacher. However, this doesn't account for being cornered, such as in a school restroom (where many fights take place). So, if this is the message we are sending to our children, then what do we expect them to do when they are physically bullied by another student? If our children fear defending themselves, they empower those who would do them harm for their own amusement.
Now, I'm not advocating telling students to perform eye gouges, fish hooks, and haymaker punches to get out of a situation. There are several less harming techniques that can be used to get out of a situation and protect yourself. We teach these as part of our martial arts curriculum at CFMA. I am in favor of allowing a school administrator to use some good judgement to determine if there was a need for self-defense. However, until our lawmakers and state school admins recognize that this has to be changed, each parent has to make a decision of what to tell their child. Their are risks/rewards to be considered. As for me, I'm going to echo the words of my father who said "Son, don't fight if you don't have to, but if you are cornered and have to fight and then get in trouble, I'll support you".
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Spidey Senses
I remember Saturday mornings as a child. My brother and I would get up early (mom was still sleeping), grab a bowl of cereal and our breakfast trays and plop down in front of the T.V. I'm ashamed to say that we would watch several hours of morning cartoons (but then I turned out o.k., right?), and among them was Spiderman and Friends. Peter Parker would get a spidey tingle whenever danger was near or something bad was about to happen. This spidey sense would give him the edge to prepare for a menacing villain or some type of disaster.
Do you have "spidey senses"? Of course you do. The real question is do you listen to them, and use them to prepare for what might happen.
Last week, I went with my wife and kids to a play date at the local Chick-fil-a. The kids met, and ventured into the glass box called the play area. My wife and the other children's mother sat a table to engage in conversation and talk about..."mom things". I took a seat at a nearby table so as not to interrupt their talk.
About 10 minutes later, I hear someone talking very loudly to one of the cashiers. Sounded like he was giving them a lecture about something biblical in nature. I didn't pay much attention...until he sat down at a table near the mothers. It was a completely empty resteurant, save myself and the two mothers at the table.
He sat there, eating his chicken sandwich and picking at his golden colored waffle fries. He was eating and staring. My spidey sense was giving a cautionary ring. Possible threat detected. Defenses up.
"Those your kids?" he asked, as he pushed a bulge of chicken to one side of his mouth.
My wife nodded.
I stared at him. Did a quick head to toe check. Then a quick scan of the room to check exits and identify weapons of opportunity. Does a bendy straw and plastic fork count?
He then proceeded to interrupt the conversation between my wife and her new friend about once every 2 minutes. As soon as they would get back on track, he would butt in.
Among other things he talked about, he gave a short dissertation on the history of Union County Public Schools, and how we have one of the best systems in the state. Then in a flash of contradiction, explained what was wrong with teaching and kids today. When some new patrons entered the dining room, he did the same. You could see the tension in the room. You could also tell these people were also uncomfortable with his assertive demeanor.
After several interchanges where he would lecture and only be met with a nod and then a turn away, he finished his meal and left. The whole exhange lasted about 15 minutes.
No harm done.
Some might say I was being paranoid or pessimistic about the nature of people.
Those are the same people who look like a deer in the headlights when something bad does come their way. Its called "situational awareness".
Here's my analysis of the situation:
Warning Sign # 1: Resteurant patron speaking in a voice volume much louder than what is necessary.
Warning Sign #2: Despite a completely empty dining room, sits down at a nearby table to where we are.
Warning Sign #3: Repeatedly interrupts conversation and trys to evoke a reply that would possibly allow him to argue and give a lecture on a subject of his choosing.
I say look to the animal kingdom and then tell me if I'm wrong. Any animal looking to exert dominance on another typically does 1 or all 3 (in their own way). Dogs get louder and change pitch when walking up on other unfamiliar dogs. Then proximity is used to further exert dominance, acting as a silent threat. If that doesn't work and the other dog walks away or ignores, the dominating dog looks to interfere with their path of exit or use body language to convey a threat.
This guy was harmless. He was looking to be the dominant figure in the room. He accomplished this by being assertive and relentless with his comments and questions. For the most part, he succeeded. I never engaged him, verbally or otherwise. Not every person that acts this way is harmless. Would he have been willing to exert dominance physically? Who knows? The next guy might.
God gave us this spidey sense for a reason. Use it. Be aware. Be ready.
Do you have "spidey senses"? Of course you do. The real question is do you listen to them, and use them to prepare for what might happen.
Last week, I went with my wife and kids to a play date at the local Chick-fil-a. The kids met, and ventured into the glass box called the play area. My wife and the other children's mother sat a table to engage in conversation and talk about..."mom things". I took a seat at a nearby table so as not to interrupt their talk.
About 10 minutes later, I hear someone talking very loudly to one of the cashiers. Sounded like he was giving them a lecture about something biblical in nature. I didn't pay much attention...until he sat down at a table near the mothers. It was a completely empty resteurant, save myself and the two mothers at the table.
He sat there, eating his chicken sandwich and picking at his golden colored waffle fries. He was eating and staring. My spidey sense was giving a cautionary ring. Possible threat detected. Defenses up.
"Those your kids?" he asked, as he pushed a bulge of chicken to one side of his mouth.
My wife nodded.
I stared at him. Did a quick head to toe check. Then a quick scan of the room to check exits and identify weapons of opportunity. Does a bendy straw and plastic fork count?
He then proceeded to interrupt the conversation between my wife and her new friend about once every 2 minutes. As soon as they would get back on track, he would butt in.
Among other things he talked about, he gave a short dissertation on the history of Union County Public Schools, and how we have one of the best systems in the state. Then in a flash of contradiction, explained what was wrong with teaching and kids today. When some new patrons entered the dining room, he did the same. You could see the tension in the room. You could also tell these people were also uncomfortable with his assertive demeanor.
After several interchanges where he would lecture and only be met with a nod and then a turn away, he finished his meal and left. The whole exhange lasted about 15 minutes.
No harm done.
Some might say I was being paranoid or pessimistic about the nature of people.
Those are the same people who look like a deer in the headlights when something bad does come their way. Its called "situational awareness".
Here's my analysis of the situation:
Warning Sign # 1: Resteurant patron speaking in a voice volume much louder than what is necessary.
Warning Sign #2: Despite a completely empty dining room, sits down at a nearby table to where we are.
Warning Sign #3: Repeatedly interrupts conversation and trys to evoke a reply that would possibly allow him to argue and give a lecture on a subject of his choosing.
I say look to the animal kingdom and then tell me if I'm wrong. Any animal looking to exert dominance on another typically does 1 or all 3 (in their own way). Dogs get louder and change pitch when walking up on other unfamiliar dogs. Then proximity is used to further exert dominance, acting as a silent threat. If that doesn't work and the other dog walks away or ignores, the dominating dog looks to interfere with their path of exit or use body language to convey a threat.
This guy was harmless. He was looking to be the dominant figure in the room. He accomplished this by being assertive and relentless with his comments and questions. For the most part, he succeeded. I never engaged him, verbally or otherwise. Not every person that acts this way is harmless. Would he have been willing to exert dominance physically? Who knows? The next guy might.
God gave us this spidey sense for a reason. Use it. Be aware. Be ready.
Monday, October 11, 2010
One of Many Gifts...
This weekend, I spent approximately 10 hours driving to martial art events. It gives a guy a lot of time to think.
Saturday was the "Foundations Seminar Series" at Triangle Kung Fu Arnis Academy in Raleigh, NC. We spent about 7 hours training in multiple disciplines; kung fu, balintawak, modern arnis, aikido, BJJ, etc. My mind is still reeling from all of the information. The teachers of these classes happen to be great friends of mine that I made while living in Raleigh. There is absolutely zero presence of ego at these events. We all truly enjoy each other's company and believe in sharing knowledge with each other. Most of us have moved on to other jobs, locations, etc, but we always look forward to events where we can meet again and train.
Sunday was the International Martial Arts Symposium in Columbia, SC held at the Marriott Hotel in the downtown area. I wasn't originally planning on going to this, but I got an IM from another martial arts brother asking if I could come down and assist with presenting a demo of Balintawak. He has certainly done me a favor or two in the past...how could I say no? So down I went. We put on a dynamic display of stick fighting skills that enabled me to hear a few "oohs" and "aahs" from the crowd.
So where am I going with this, you may ask?
Through the martial arts, I have received many gifts. One gift is that I have met and made friends with some of the nicest, most honorable people I could hope to know (I've come across a few nuts I try to avoid also, but that's another story). We have a bond forged through a common goal...to be good people, and great martial artists. Even though I didn't meet these people until well into my adult life, I know that I can pick up the phone and they will be here to help. They can count on me to do the same (like this past Sunday). There are few activities in life where you can make friends like this, and of this caliber.
Driving home yesterday, the closing line of the movie "Stand By Me" was ringing through my brain. "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?".
Yes, I do.
Thanks, guys. You know who you are...
Saturday was the "Foundations Seminar Series" at Triangle Kung Fu Arnis Academy in Raleigh, NC. We spent about 7 hours training in multiple disciplines; kung fu, balintawak, modern arnis, aikido, BJJ, etc. My mind is still reeling from all of the information. The teachers of these classes happen to be great friends of mine that I made while living in Raleigh. There is absolutely zero presence of ego at these events. We all truly enjoy each other's company and believe in sharing knowledge with each other. Most of us have moved on to other jobs, locations, etc, but we always look forward to events where we can meet again and train.
Sunday was the International Martial Arts Symposium in Columbia, SC held at the Marriott Hotel in the downtown area. I wasn't originally planning on going to this, but I got an IM from another martial arts brother asking if I could come down and assist with presenting a demo of Balintawak. He has certainly done me a favor or two in the past...how could I say no? So down I went. We put on a dynamic display of stick fighting skills that enabled me to hear a few "oohs" and "aahs" from the crowd.
So where am I going with this, you may ask?
Through the martial arts, I have received many gifts. One gift is that I have met and made friends with some of the nicest, most honorable people I could hope to know (I've come across a few nuts I try to avoid also, but that's another story). We have a bond forged through a common goal...to be good people, and great martial artists. Even though I didn't meet these people until well into my adult life, I know that I can pick up the phone and they will be here to help. They can count on me to do the same (like this past Sunday). There are few activities in life where you can make friends like this, and of this caliber.
Driving home yesterday, the closing line of the movie "Stand By Me" was ringing through my brain. "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?".
Yes, I do.
Thanks, guys. You know who you are...
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Power of Confidence
As a child, I was...a wallflower. I often walked with my shoulderns slouched forward, eyes to the ground as I wandered through the maze of childhood and young adolescence. For one year of middle school, I was the target of two bullies who would use me to alleviate their boredom. Usually the bullying was verbal, sometimes physical. One of them, (we'll call him Scott) was always trying to push me into a fight. He wanted it so bad he could taste it. I finally did hit my breaking point one day in our gym locker room..but that's another story altogether. For now, I'd like to comment on the importance of showing confidence (even if you don't have it) as a means to avoid bullying, and how the martial arts helps to instill this in children.
Posture. As a child, my father would constantly nag me about this. "Stand up straight! Look me in the eyes when we talk!". Many of us heard the same thing as children and think back on it now as nagging. Little did I know that these virtues that my father was pushing me to display are actually ones that can deter bullies. Walking upright, with shoulders and chin up are a nonverbal communication that says "I am confident and comfortable with myself". Bullies look for easy, weak, targets. A nonverbal display of low self esteem and confidence can be the beacon that the bully looks for.
Fake it until you make it. This phrase was taught to me later in life, when as a young beginning teacher I was nervous in front of a class of 30 students. Showing a lack of confidence would expose weakness, and a classroom full of 11 year olds would be more than happy to exploit it. So, even though I was unsure of myself and my decisons - I faked it. Somewhere along the way I was doing less faking. Never certain what was the turning point, but by the end of the school year I felt confident and was recognized for having good classroom management skills. So, even if your child is panic stricken at the thought of walking the halls amongst the sea of students, if they stop and consciously make an effort to show good posture, they can fake it until they make it.
Martial arts. The very nature of what we do promotes confidence. However, we also work on specific skills that demonstrate it. Whether it be our bow (with eyes up and on instructor), or having a student who has recently mastered a drill or exercise lead the rest of the class. Promote this behavior and encourage your child to attempt to display these same qualities at school can "beat the bully".
more to come...
Posture. As a child, my father would constantly nag me about this. "Stand up straight! Look me in the eyes when we talk!". Many of us heard the same thing as children and think back on it now as nagging. Little did I know that these virtues that my father was pushing me to display are actually ones that can deter bullies. Walking upright, with shoulders and chin up are a nonverbal communication that says "I am confident and comfortable with myself". Bullies look for easy, weak, targets. A nonverbal display of low self esteem and confidence can be the beacon that the bully looks for.
Fake it until you make it. This phrase was taught to me later in life, when as a young beginning teacher I was nervous in front of a class of 30 students. Showing a lack of confidence would expose weakness, and a classroom full of 11 year olds would be more than happy to exploit it. So, even though I was unsure of myself and my decisons - I faked it. Somewhere along the way I was doing less faking. Never certain what was the turning point, but by the end of the school year I felt confident and was recognized for having good classroom management skills. So, even if your child is panic stricken at the thought of walking the halls amongst the sea of students, if they stop and consciously make an effort to show good posture, they can fake it until they make it.
Martial arts. The very nature of what we do promotes confidence. However, we also work on specific skills that demonstrate it. Whether it be our bow (with eyes up and on instructor), or having a student who has recently mastered a drill or exercise lead the rest of the class. Promote this behavior and encourage your child to attempt to display these same qualities at school can "beat the bully".
more to come...
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